Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Fat Paper Doll


Remember playing with paper dolls? Specially those of you who are around my age – extremely sophisticated, absolutely gorgeous, oh! So.. young…(at heart)…oops… sorry if I hurt your feelings…

Yes, I was also one of those who were crazy about playing with the paper dolls. Some of my friends had ready-made, cutouts sent to them by their uncles and aunts living abroad. But for some of us, we had to rely on someone with good drawing skills. My two sisters were very good at drawing and sketching figures, specially my second. But is was such a struggle to get them to oblige. My brother Lalin, was also good in art but not necessarily sketching female figures. In fact, he had won a couple of awards at school for his work. I wanted to be in-with-the-crowd, since I could not get the help from my sisters I approached by brother. As usual, he was very obliging and always willing to help. After all, I am his baby sister. So he drew me a doll – all I wanted was a doll – and I was ever so thankful to him.

Upon seeing my doll my friends laughed at me… They said my doll looked liked me – sure it was a fat doll and had no shape unlike the ones they had. She also did not have pretty little under wear like the others. She wore boxer shorts and a vest. But it was o.k. because it was drawn by my brother and I was proud of it. It was the best he could do. It didn’t matter that my doll wasn’t the prettiest or the one with the best figure…Because of him I was able to be in-with- the- crowd… that's what mattered to me.

I learnt an important lesson here – I understood the meaning of “it’s the thought and effort that matters” – and it certainly was. He helped me when I really needed it. Thanks Bro, you are the best!

I yearn for fresh roses


A few weeks ago, I attended a community funeral. He was just 52 years old and dropped to death with a heart attack while he was working. He worked hard like many of us. And that day was his last. I sat in the parlour holding my husbands hand. I felt sadness for him and his family. His only child and only daughter had just got married. I doubt if he had the chance to look at the wedding album.

As I was sitting there with a heavy heart, I could not help noticing the beautiful fresh flowers placed around the coffin. There were at least a dozen of large arrangements mostly roses and it was a pretty sight. I wondered whether he could see it. Then I wondered when I die whether I could see it. How sad if I could not see it. I had previously worked as a floral assistant at a local flower shop and I knew how expensive these fresh flower arrangements were. I remembered thinking my self that time – if I really want fresh roses to accompany my coffin I probably could not afford to die. Because, they are that expensive. Since I had a very simple wedding when we got married (no regrets here! extremely happy with the decision – one of the best decisions ever made) I never had an opportunity surround my self with flowers – of course, other than the times I worked in the flower shop. Usually, it’s during weddings and funerals that people get to surround themselves with flowers. I am not talking about the rich and famous here; they would probably wake up to a room full of flowers every single day.

O.k. the point is – would I want to surround my self with flowers when I am gone? (since I am not sure whether I can see – again even if I could, lets say – I may not because I wear glasses and I am blind as a bat when I don’t have them!) I would prefer to be surrounded by flowers at least a few bunches of long stem quality expensive roses while I am alive. Wouldn’t that be great? As you can understand – I yearn for fresh roses… a simple desire… after all; I am not yearning for the moon…..

Now there is a point to my point – lets try, you and me both to make our lives more rewarding and joyful - in engaging in pleasure filled activities. Not just pressure filled tasks and endless responsibilities and obligations. I think its o.k. to splurge our selves with things we desire. As I think about it, is it really hard for myself to give myself this? Is this such a big deal? No – but what’s hard is giving the permission to do it. Because sometimes we don’t think of ourselves as deserving of such treats even if we could afford. Be it roses or caramel peach cheesecake –what ever we yearn… lets have it now if we can - while we are alive and kicking.

My Daily Prayer

My dear Lord, my Higher Power…..
Here am I, offering my self to you
Please use me and use all my potential
To make this world a better place
For you, me and all

I don’t know how many more years I have
It does not matter to me now…
A year, two or a decade…
What matters to me is I live a meaningful life
Knowing I did my best to make this world a better place

One day, sooner or later, I too shall depart
My flesh, bones and blood will all get dried and become ash
I know I will not take any thing material – big or small
I know at the end of this journey I will not own anything
I would probably be left only with my spirit, which I don’t even know

If I ever get a chance to look back
I want to know I lived my best life
To know that I understood my life’s purpose
And I did my best to fulfill it, in the best of my ability

Please Lord, please use my life
Use my skills, knowledge and experiences I have acquired
Please give me a platform to use what I have
I want to live my life to the fullest and depart empty
I know I have a lot to give….. I know I have a lot to share….
Sometimes, I am just scared because I don’t know how
I am scared; I will depart without ever getting a chance to give all I have

Lord, you have put me through so many tests, trials, disappointments and sorrows,
Battle after battle, problem after problem, obstacle after obstacle
And sometimes, I have wondered – oh! Why or why me?
Now I realize, that this was on purpose, and to teach me important lessons in life – that I could not learn going to school
My life is rich and meaningful not because of my credentials and certifications
But because of true-life experiences I have had….
I can understand what other people go through in difficult times
Not because I have learnt them in school
But, because I have gone through them my self

Thank you for the lessons in life Lord,
For I am a much richer person now
Thank you for always been there for me and believing in me
And whispering in my ear that I can do it….
Thank you for believing in me
Even at times when I doubt about my own self

So, here is my prayer my Lord
Please use me, to make a difference in this world – at least to one person in one small way….
Please help me bring sunshine to someone’s life,
Please help me bring a smile to someone’s face,
Please help me bring comfort to someone’s heart
Use me Lord… Use me….
I want to live my life to the fullest and depart empty
When I depart, I want to feel that I have given all what I had…
And nothing was left behind….

What is your daily prayer?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thank you to YOU too!

Just as much as I am thankful to all the people
Who has loved me and supported me
I am also thankful to all those who did not
I am thankful to those who told me that was not good enough
Because you taught me what it is to
Believe in my self and not give up my dreams

Every time you disrespected me
I learnt to respect my self even more
Every time you looked down upon me
I learnt to look up and beyond you
Every time you made me feel small
I learnt that I am actually bigger than you
Every time you told me that I was not good enough
I knew I have the ability to be even better
Every time you told me that I could not do something
I realized in fact I could do it….and do it even better

Your remarks and behaviour may have hurt me at times
But perhaps, now that I think about it
It was for a good reason….
For every time I have experienced something bad
Even though its has been difficult and frustrating
I have always walked away being a better person
Perhaps, if not for people like you
I would have not learnt the value of self-respect, courage, strength and perseverance
Fighting for myself and for my dreams, hopes an goals
You have challenged me to be my best
And the value of believing further in my self and my abilities

So whether you have supported me or not
You too have made a contribution
Towards the positive growth of my life
As I continue to the walk forward on my path
Whether you were on my side or not
Whether you supported me or not
Your existence in my life and my path
Has been for a good reason
So how can I not be?
Thankful to you…
Thank You.


It has taken me many years to realize, and lots of grace to admit this. Those people who have not been supportive of me are not necessarily my enemies. When I think of the great lessons I have learnt, and the great qualities I have acquired - facing such people - I must acknowledge and give thanks to them too. I hope you try this for yourself . . . it gives so much freedom.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

When Can you be Happy?


You can be truly happy
When you realize your self worth
When you start to love your self
When you start to respect your self
When you start to accept your self
Regardless of what others think of you

You will be truly happy
When you no longer depend on others
For love and respect
When you no longer depend on others
For acceptance and validation
When you no longer depend on others
For your happiness

You can be truly happy
When you realize the beauty within your own self
Whey you know who you are and what you stand for
When you realize your weaknesses and strengths
And when you accept your self
Just the way you are
Expecting
Nothing more, nothing else

Today, lets take a moment to look within ourselves to seek inner happiness… I hope you have found happiness within yourself. If not, it’s never too late… start today. It’s better late than never.




Sunday, November 19, 2006

The Elephant Without a Trunk

I was born big – a bouncing baby of 9lbs… and continued to stay that way. When I was 10, I was 110lbs and 5ft tall. This is an exception to a south-asian girl. Simply put it - a no! no!!. My size, dark complexion and height were always a major topic at family discussions. Obviously people had a lot of fun at my expense. Feel a bit of resentment – sure! To add spice to this my two sisters and brother spread the rumour that I consumed half a loaf of bread and six eggs for breakfast. I have no clue where this came from. To this day, I have never eaten six eggs at one single meal or even in one day. I was called the “big bird” and “blackie” by the neighborhood kids and sometimes, even their parents called me that. I was a quiet, polite child and when people made fun at me if I could manage I would still smile – that’s because I could not cry. Crying wasn’t appreciated in my family – it was seen as a sign of weakness. O.K. so who wants to be labeled as weak?

One day, when I was in fifth grade during an art class I noticed the kids around looking at me and giggling. I also saw a piece of drawing paper being passed around. I was curious and waited impatiently for my turn. It never reached me. I got up and grabbed it – that day my life fell apart – There was a picture of a huge elephant - drawn by my best friend – it had my name on it. As usual I did not say anything – I cried in silence. Of course, my friendship ended with my friend. But this day my perception of my self changed. My self-esteem dropped, I started to live in a self-created shell. I felt ridiculed and embarrassed for the next 20 years of my life. I always saw my self as the elephant – without the trunk. It was painful. It was so bad sometimes, I would even hear the trumpeting of an elephant in my mind.

It wasn’t until I was about 30 I was able to walk out of this. It wasn’t easy – it did not happen in a flash… But I finally made it. It so happens that elephant is my favorite animal – actually it has always been but I just did not want to admit to the outside world – in case they would say, “ oh, you just look like one”. Today, I feel free and can laugh about it but when I was 10 that wasn’t easy. I am sure some of you can relate to my bitter experience. May be you weren’t called an elephant but something else.

When we are young we may not know any better. Even if we did – we are scared of voicing it. What others say about us makes who we are. It shouldn’t be, but that is how it works when we are young. In my profession as a counsellor, I have met many successful people, well in to their thirties, forties and fifties still holding on to negative remarks that were said to them when they were kids. They are ridiculed and embarrassed and hurt. Their pain is real, so as the anger. Sometimes, the damage it creates is lifelong. It takes away ones happiness and zest for life. Many people suffer quietly and they are too embarrassed to talk about it.

Lets be careful with what we say and how we choose to have fun. If we are having fun at the expense of others then we cannot really call our selves as "having a great sense of humour". Lets also be careful around our own children. After all, most parents would say they want the best for their children. What good does it make to produce a so-called successful 30 year-old, a highly educated professional with a double degree – if he or she is still frothing with anger or embarrassment because of an insensitive remake we made when they were young. Would you call that success?

Saturday, November 18, 2006

IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY


If you love somebody
Tell them now
Don’t wait for that perfect day
For it may never come

Life is short and unpredictable
And, I think we all know that
But yet,
We always hesitate so much
To tell somebody that we love and care for them

Whether it’s your spouse, children or friends
Do tell them that you love them
For we never know – when we have to say “Good Bye”
And never see each other again

If you have something good to say
Say it and say it NOW

When he or she can still hear it
Because when they are gone – they are gone
They can't read the beautiful cards
Or smell the flowers
Or see your tears
Or hear your sweet words of appreciation

Nobody ever dies of too much love or care
But I know sometimes people die
Because, the lack of it
We all want to be loved and cared and accepted
As humans we constantly strive to hear it
Every single day

So today. . . .
If you love somebody
Tell them . .
Let them know how much you appreciate
Having them in your life
Tell them how much you love them and care for them
For you may not get another chance

During the past ten years, I have lost many people who were near and dear to me - my father and mother, three aunts, two uncles, two good friends and two loving dogs.. but I am glad I had the awareness to let some of them know - specially my parents - to let them know how much I cared for them.

I hope you do the same.

What happens when somebody tells YOU that you are not good enough?

What happens when somebody tells you
That you are not good enough?
Do you listen to that person?
Turn back . . . .
And give up all your hopes and dreams?

What happens to all your dreams?
Life long ambitions and aspirations?
Should you give up?
Just because,
Somebody told you – you are not good enough?

In life, it often happens
Whether you are at school, work or play
People just appear from nowhere
And tell us that we are not good enough
Or we don’t belong or fit in
They tell us we have nothing to offer
No talents, skills or qualifications
Nothing worthy or valuable. . . .
Should we believe them?
Should we give in to them?
Should we give up all our hopes?
But, why?

We are who we are
And we have the right to be the best we can be
We have a right to a dream, a hope, a goal
And, we have the right to make it happen
And become successful
Just like anybody else . . .

So next time . . .
When somebody tells you that
You are not good enough
Don’t turn back or walk away
Don't give up your dream or hope
Be courageous and strong
Stand still and look in the person’s eye
And ask “why not?’”


“Why not?”
Many years ago, I was battling with some issues that led me to write this to myself, to give me strength. It helped me a lot and I was able to overcome some of my fears..

A Beautiful Afternoon


I experienced this a many years back but memories still fresh like yesterday... At a time when I was juggling college with two jobs. During this time I was living in a high-rise building – and one afternoon, as usual I was hopping in to the elevator to rush to work. Inside the elevator, a pleasant woman greeted me – I knew she lived in the building, and I also happen to know she was blind. She was a sweet lady loved by all in the building. She looked in my direction and asked me “ Isn’t it a great afternoon?” I looked at her in amazement and thought to my self how would she know, because I knew she was totally blind. I said “mmmmhmmm” but I actually had no clue what kind of day it was. Why? Because I had not been paying attention. As usual I hurried out of the elevator, but as I was walking to catch the bus, I looked around – yes, it was a gorgeous, sunny afternoon. I looked up too – I must admit I usually don’t – the sun was shining and the sky was a beautiful blue. There was a soft breeze in the air and the flowers along the pathway to the building absolutely looked beautiful. I felt the warmth of the soft sun on my skin – it was refreshing. I paused in for a few seconds to absorb the beauty around me… and it sure felt good!But that day, I also felt ashamed… My creator had given me sight but I was not using it … and I had to learn this lesson from a blind woman who I knew could not see. However, it taught me a great lesson and that I will never forget.Now everyday as I go out, I take a few moments to look around and I also look up. I take a second to give thanks for my sight. I make a conscious effort to observe what kind of day it is…every single day has been beautiful… in a different way…in its own way.. Some days, there is more sun, some days more cloud, the sky turns to a myriad shades of blues and purples and pinks and oranges depending which time of the day it is I am looking, I notice the trees and shrubs and the colours of its leaves and flowers... I hear the sounds of birds… I see squirrels…. I have started to notice because I am paying attention to these things.It feels good to be connected with the outside world every single day even though it’s for a brief minute or two. Whenever I do that, I feel I am part of a bigger picture. I am fortunate to be living in country that has four seasons. Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter…I am glad for each season, for it presents it self with a unique beauty of its own. I am happy I have sight… even though I wear glasses I can still see… I can still see… I can still see…. and I dont want to take for granted....

Are you using your eyes?
Isn't it strange - in our rush to get through everyday life, we miss the precious moments, and sometimes having perfect sight we are still blind to life.

Friday, November 17, 2006

WELCOME

As some of you know, I love to write… sometimes, writing is easy for me than talking… I know I am able to express my self much better when I write… I also feel good when I write… Through this blog I will be able to share my thoughts with you. I am not sure what I am going to write… but let’s see. I will write what ever that comes to my mind – hopefully it will be interesting. I am also new to blogging so I am experimenting the features. I’ve just started – I am sure I will learn a few things as I go along. I will continue this if it’s fun and interesting. If not I will just move on to something else. Who says, I have to stick to it… right??

You know what, I used to love to write when I was a child too. I am not sure whether I started to read before I started to talk. All credit goes to my mom. She taught me how to read and write. I wasn’t much of a talker anyway. Being the youngest of a family of four I never had a chance to talk. Especially with my mom and two sisters… no opportunities were present what so ever! More about this later.

I have always dreamt of being a writer. I mean daydreaming. Yes, I daydream about a lot. I can’t say its bad because I have also achieved a lot of my dreams. Every single day I am getting old…yes… sometimes, it freaks me out.. but it’s true. Every single day I live, I get closer and closer to my grave. Hmm… and now that’s scary ah? The point is who knows whether I get to be a writer. Sure, I would like to be a famous writer earning million dollars someday - but now, I am not sure whether I have a lot of time to keep dreaming. Someday seems far away. Who knows, because life is short and unpredictable.

Well, I think the real desire is not the million dollars or the fame, I think it’s the opportunity to fulfill the desire of writing. I was reading a motivational article and the authour said, “if you want to be a writer, then start writing”. Hmmm… pretty simple… yes, I thought why not? Anyway, when you look at it.. I write so I can call my self a writer.. right? I am sure I will make mistakes, spellings and grammar and who know’s what else… But if I keep putting off, I will never do it… besides, I am an ESL speaker and writer… so what if I make a mistake… English is not my first language…. Ah, now admitting this gives me confidence…

Few weeks ago this subject came up with one of my dear co-workers. She passed on to me an article written by her husband. I thought it was pretty interesting. I told her, she should encourage her husband to write more. Then it got me thinking. Perhaps, I should do that my self. So this thought inspired to start this blog. I am happy to know, he has already started his blog… I have never met him, but I can see the brother really enjoys it…He is blogging away like crazy…I am glad I have inspired someone do something they love… its time to inspire my self too…

Not bad at all… it was not difficult – I wrote a page on “nothing”… So I think I will start to write… yes, it feels good…. It feels familiar and comfortable….I hope in the following days to come I could write something interesting, inspiring, or even something that will make you laugh. I cannot promise but I will try. Well, if I screw up so what… this is not the first time I have screwed up. I am sure, you my friends will still love me.. right? I hope so…