A conversation with My SELF...

I was looking for my self.. yes, my lost self…

Niroma.. Niroma.. where are you? I can't find her...

No response.. I was worried.. had she left me? had she bid good-bye to me?

Niroma.. Niroma.. please.. I am sorry, I know I have neglected you.. I have been busy and I know I have not spent time with you enough.. but please.. don’t be mad.. come back.. come back….I have missed you…and I realized.. you are all I have..

Huum…promise? Promise you don’t treat me like a doormat? Promise you don’t treat me like the city’s bin? I am mad I dont feel like talking to you...

Ohhh.. you are there.. thank god.. you didn’t leave me.. thank god.. yes, yes, yes, I am sorry, I know.. I have not treated you well.. I am really sorry.. I had not given you time..

Yes, you have time for every one else but you don’t have time for me? And you say I am the most important person in your life? And you only have me..that is crap... well I tell you missy for a person who says things like that, you are really not delivering.. All this talk is not okay with me.. do you realize, people talk a lot theseday? you, and everyone else.. the leaders, the followers, and all else.... they talk.. make big promises.. I will give you this and that, and be there for you and love you and all that crap but really.. where is the action.. no goods are being delivered.. so you cheat each other.. with more and more promises, and these days no one feels guilty about broken promises.. because it’s the norm and its hip to do this.. Sorry? My foot, that word has no meaning anymore, it’s the same with I love you too.. do you realize that today words have no meaning? Food has no taste? Flowers don’t smell anymore? Values are not valued anymore? Fashion has no style anymore? Music has no rhythm anymore? Dancing its full of vulgarity? I guess I am mad.. yeah I think I am mad.. see I don’t even know if I am mad..

I am sorry, please.. let me try to make things work.. I don’t want you to go away.. because this is the truth.. you are the only person I have.. my mother told me this many many times but I didn’t really realize.. she said we are born alone and we die alone.. after 42 years I realize this.. other than god you are the only person I truly have.. I realize I had not paid attention to you or value yourself the way I should have.. I had always wanted others to be with me.. .. one after other I have been looking for someone.. if not Jane its Jill (you know its not Jane or Jill.. but you get my point) but Jane or Jill it’s the same.. the difference is they come in different sizes and colours… perhaps I have really looked for you in others? And had thought others could replace you? Perhaps I had not really realized the person I have been looking is you? I dont know.. do I make sense.. you are me, I am you then why am I talking to you.. does this mean I am talking to me.. well it does not matter.. you understand me right? I am sorry, will you come back to me? I promise I will not neglect you, I will also not let people walk all over you like a doormat. Lets be friends shall we? Lets give it another try.. Please…

Huum.. after all, you are also me.. and I am also you.. I am your inside and you are my outside.. I guess we have to learn to live together.. I cant live without you and you can live without me.. So.. I am open to trying it.. if you are willing.. it’s a commitment.. it’s as important or if not more - than the commitments you make with others, your employer, friends and family. I want you to realize you have a responsibility towards me. This is your primary responsibility but you seem to have forgotten that and you put every one and every thing before me. I want to stand up for myself.. I don’t want to be at the bottom of your list. I am the star in your life and I want to be treated like the star and not the doormat.

If I don’t fight for you tell me who would? If I don’t take care of yourself and myself tell me who would? When you are sick who is by your side? When you are hurting who is there for you? When you are alone who is there for you? I am you and I am also your best friend. Just the way you treat your best friends in life, you need to treat me with the same love, respect, warmth and dignity. I know you are a great friend to your friends.. for some you would give your life.. but would you for me? Would you be my best friend? Me the person who lives with you every minute, every second of your life? People have come and gone in your life.. but have I really left you? I may have given you the silent treatment (I learnt this from your mother!) but I have not left you.. if I have left you then to whom are you talking to now? I am here.. I have always been here.. I know your every move, every thought – you cant fool me. And don’t even try.. so yeah.. and yes, I want to us to try.. to be best of friends.. huum… by the way.. yes, I love you. You should give me a medal for I have lived with you for 42 years.. soon 43.. who ever lived with you for that long? And for how ever number of years I have left I will still live with you.. I don’t have a choice because this is god’s choice.. I have to say sometimes, I have considered leaving.. I have felt like looking outside for better opportunities.. it sickens me when you don’t treat me the way you treat others.. yeah, you are really nice to others.. always there for them.. giving your love and support.. time and energy and everything.. you are always phone call away, e-mail away.. well that’s great.. keep it up.. but don’t neglect me.. remember I am here too and I am you.

Yup.. it’s a long lecture.. you know me.. don’t talk much on regular basis.. but I thought I had to.. you need to get some things in your head.. I am serious.. I hope I don’t have to repeat this again..

I understand every word you have said.. and I am in agreement.. I know I have not been that good to you.. I am sorry and I mean it.. please forgive me.. I am going to remember this conversation and try to make things better.. we are approaching a new year.. 2009.. I want to be good to you.. thank you for your words…

Have you spoken to yourself lately? I have and I have just been TOLD! but I needed to hear that..

Are you there for yourself?

Well, it’s been while since I have written anything in my blog.. days are passing by so quickly – I feel I am like in a rat race. Running.. running and running.. where to? I don’t even know.. I feel exhausted at the end of the day.. so many obligations, so many responsibilities, duties and commitments, by the time I get everything done I am too tired to be there for myself. Hello.. Hello.. Niroma.. where are you? I feel she has left.. well I can't blame her..

Things are certainly not happening according to plan, disappointments and heartbreaks but yet life goes on. Sometimes, I feel like I dont want to see the dawn of another day.. but well.. here it comes.. Hum, I feel I am trapped in a gloomy spell that doesn’t seem to pass.. sunshine! Sunshine!! Where are you? I am missing you..

I had wanted to write more this year.. but I wasn’t able to accomplish it.... and then there is this book I had wanted to write – I have been thinking about it for years now.. Where does time go? Doing what?

I am in the business of getting other people on track.. It comes naturally because it’s also my daytime job! but now, I feel totally out of track. Who is going to care for the caregiver? Who will counsel the counselor?

Well, I guess, its time I do something about it – before I lose myself totally. I need to find myself and get in touch with my self. Afterall, who would I be without Niroma.. .when I come to think of it.. she is the most important person in my life next to god.. I will have to do what I do for others. Yes, be there for myself. I hope you are not in the same boat as I am… I will tell you it’s not a good place to be.. its empty and certainly not fun. Takes the zest of your life.. its like a day old, opened can of soda.. no fizz.. no jazz.. no nothing.. oh.. a double negative.. it is double negative..

okay.. got to go.. got to be there for myself.. that is all I've got...

Are you there for yourself? if not... you better be!

Take this day and make something out of it....

If things are not going your way

Did you know that you could change direction?
Nothing is set or carved in stone?
Don’t like what is happening with your life?
Then why don’t you change it?

Change direction.. if you can’t move forward
Then turn to the right or left..
Or walk back if needed and find another inter-section
Do something… move.. keep moving
Don’t get stuck

Every day is a new day…
A new sunrise..
New hope, new dreams..
Your past is not your present
Sure there is nothing you can do about your past
Don’t you wish you could go back?
And re-create everything you did wrong
And also the people who were involved in your past
Did the same thing
Said sorry, or took responsibility or did something?
But do you realize there is nothing you can do…
We have no power to change our past or even the people involved
All we can do is to change our selves..
Than to learn lessons – learn from your mistakes

Should we pay for our past mistakes forever…
Make our lives miserable…
With the dawn of a new day.. God is giving us another chance
To make things right and live our very best life..

Here we go friends..
Take this day and make something out of it..
Make it your best..
You are given another chance…

Take this day and make something out of it..

Lost Dreams....

To all women who lost a dream…

I am sorry it didn’t come true..
So your bubble got burst..
And you realized that
From day one..
It was just a dream..
A very nice dream..
But it was just a dream
And nothing more…

And you thought someone was walking with you
On your path – walking hand-in-hand…
Dreaming the same dream
In the same vibrant colours you had seen..
And you were so in to the dream
For years and years…
That you didn’t realize
From the very beginning
It had just being only you..
Just you walking alone
And there really wasn’t anyone walking with you
And you had always been alone…
It was only in your dream
That you saw two!

The charming house, the beautiful garden filled with sweet summer blossoms
Watching that vibrant sunset together…
Walking hand-in-hand in a golden sandy beach…
Feeling that blue blue ocean breeze..
Staring madly in to each other’s eyes under a starry starry night
Holding hands.. whispering sweet words of love
Waltzing around to that beautiful melody…
And it goes on and on…
Just like a Harlequin romance you read years and years ago…

All those years you work hard
Day in, day out….
To make that dream come true…
A dream that you dreamt
A dream that you dreamt for two
Just remains a dream
That would not come true

But sisters…
Painful, as it sounds..
We can learn a lesson
We can still dream..
What is life without dreams?
But this time sisters..
We can dream our dream
Yes.. our dream.. YOUR dream…MY Dream
A dream where you play the lead..
A dream that consists of you
Not for two.. but for you..
So that you can work hard
And make it come true..

Sisters, do you realize?
We have no right to dream for others..
Each person is responsible for their own dreams
If one day if we cross paths and share our dreams
With each other
It’s wonderful.. but if it does not..
It should be okay too…

But dear sisters..
May I remind you?
You have the right to dream
And also to make your dream come true
After all, what is life..
Without a dream?

Dream on.... don't let anyone stop you!

Is it time to move on?

Let’s not waste our time
Knocking on closed doors
Let’s not waste our time
On waiting for people who never show up
It takes two to tango
And one alone can’t do it

There is always a reason
For the silence
But, one could try to share
If they have trust in each other
Belief and have faith
And respect for each other
And for the relationship you are in…

What are we suppose to do?
Wait forever and ever..
Not knowing what is going on..
You see them talking to others
You see them living their life
But yet they have no time for you
No time to talk? No time to explain?
Lack of interest?
Do you want out? Then say so..
Have guts.. be honest…
Have courtesy to say good-bye

Lets cut our loses and move on..
There is no point in trying to enter
When the door is closed…
In this life we don’t own anyone
We can’t hold on to people
Who wants to walk away
Let them walk away…
To their destiny

To them free

and also let you free
Lets not stand anymore
In front of a close door
Looks like they may have left from the back door
Without even saying good bye…

And for what ever reason they don't want you anymore

And perhaps they forgot to tell you

Busy? who knows..

Other committments.. may be...

Thousand questions..

But no answers...

Lets have courage

To move on...

The door was closed

but life didnt stop

Sometimes, we stop..

but Life does not..

it flows.. it moves..

always forward....


Have you been standing in front of a closed door?

Is it time to move on?

Let go.....it's time....

It’s okay if you didn’t get the love of the person you loved most
It's okay if you didn’t get the attention of the person you seek most
It's okay if you were not included in the life of that someone you always wanted most
It's okay they forgot you
It's okay they turned back
It’s okay that things didn’t work out..
Perhaps it was not meant to be
It would have been your plan
But not the plan of your creator…
What ever happened to you
What ever pain you went through
You survived…
If you are reading this you are alive..
This means you had survived..
You are alive..
Stop.. breath.. in.. . and out..
Again… in… and out…
You are alive…
Hearts break – Lives lost
Shattered dreams.. broken promises…
Life must go on

Things happen – and we don’t know why
We may want to think and analyze and wonder
But we will never know why…
We really don’t know why things happen
The only person who knows is the one above
The one with the bird’s-eye view
He sees far.. he sees the end and he knows us all

Let’s not hold on to anger
Misery and agony
It’s not going to help us at all
It will kill us.. bit by bit..
Forgive yourself..
And forgive others…
Yes, those people who gave you pain
Let them walk away
You can’t move on, holding on
Just let go
Let if off your mind and heart
You learnt your lesson
This is just one part of your life..
You still have the rest of your life…

It’s okay if you didn’t get the love of the person you loved most
But learn to love yourself first…
It's okay if you didn’t get the attention of the person you seek most
But learn to pay attention to yourself first
It's okay if you were not included in the life of that someone you wanted most
But learn to include yourself in your own life
It's okay they forgot you
But don’t forget yourself
It's okay they turned back
But don’t turn back on yourself

Remember.. they may have gone.. but you are here..

Imagine...

Imagine…
You are in the eve of your life….
Sitting on a rocking chair…
Looking back at your life..
Yes, your life…
Is there a smile on your face?
A sense of satisfaction in your heart?
Would you feel happy?
Would you feel content?
Would you feel joy?
Would you feel proud of your accomplishments?
Did you use all your god given potential?
Did you travel?
Did you sing?
Did you dance?
What memories do you have?
Did you do your best to live your best life?
Did you at least try?

Or is it all full of regret?
Disappointment?
Agony and misery?
Tears of sadness?
A frown on your face?
Anger flowing through your body?
Unfulfilled dreams
Lost hopes
Shattered hearts….

broken promises...

You are still not late..
You have today.. yes! today
To create some happy memories for tomorrow
Yesterday – is gone.. we can’t do much
But today…
Today you can..
You can still create some smiles, some laugher, some joy
For you to cherish for tomorrow..


If you want to you can.. but it’s all up to you?

You are Valued....

Do you realize?
You don’t owe your life to any man or woman?
But yourself....
Do you realize?
Living for yourself is your responsibility
That is what you are here for…

Are you living well my friend?
Are you living with joy?

With peace in your heart and mind?

Have you found your path my friend?

The path that is meant for you?

Are you doing what you are suppose to?
Do you realize you are needed here
And you have a place on this earth..
That is why my friend
Your creator brought you here….

White, black, yellow or brown
You are valued my friend
And you are needed
Fat, thin, tall, short, curvy or flat
You are valued my friend
It’s not in the colour of your eyes or hair or your skin
It's what is in your heart
It’s what inside of you my friend
You are valued....

Married, divorced, separated
Child less or with children
Blue-collar or white-collar
You are valued my friend..
You are here for a reason..
You have a place

You are valued and wanted and you have a place on this earth

and you are also here for a reason

take time to find out your reason....

I am trying to talk to you...

Mommy would you listen to me?
Daddy would you listen to me?
Please…
I am here…
I am trying to say something..
I can’t find the right words yet
But I want to say this..
Do you see me?
I am here..right here..

Do I matter Daddy?
Do you see me as another human being?
But..
Then why do you behave like I am not?
Why do you not listen to me?
Why do you not ask me what I want?

I get confused..
Why do you send me to school?
To learn, learn and learn
But then…
I am learning.. I am learning a lot..
I am leaning how to write
I am learning how to talk
I am learning how to think
Do you know mommy?
I can now read, write and speak
And can also think..

Yes.. I think mommy..
I think and learn how to act
And to make tiny decisions

mmm...yes, I know what I like

I know what I dont like..
I think mommy when you talk..
I also listen…
I watch when you do things, I observe..
Yes daddy.. I am watching everything you do..

and also you mommy...

And you know daddy?
I have feelings…
Yes.. like big people
I feel…
I sense…
But mommy….
Would you remember this..
When you yell at me for no reason
Can you remember this?
Since I can think now…
Next time
Can you ask me what I want?

can we talk about our feelings?
Would you take time to listen?

Mommy.. mommy
I am not like my dolly anymore
Now I can think..
Now I can feel..
Now I can sense
I can see
I can hear
I can talk
I can walk
Would you remember this?

Would you remember this?

they are trying to say something to you...

Are you paying attention?

Who are you GOD?

Who are you God?
What is your name?
You said to me..
“It does not matter my dear child….
My name does not matter
What matters is you know me..

Dont you?

Some call me this..
And some call me that..
It does not matter
For I am ONE…

I am not here to separate
I am here to unite
I am not here to fight
I am here for peace
I am not here to destruct
I am here to construct
I am not here to demolish
I am here to build and re-build
I am not here to create anger, hate or misery
I am here to spread love, peace and joy
Those who understand this
Know me my child…

It’s not about my name
It’s not about my colour
It’s about what I stand for..

Who is god?
To me it’s sense of presence
A powerful and strong presence
I have felt and can not express
Since I was a very young child
Sometimes inside of me
Sometimes around me
And sometimes above me

Where does he live?
He lives in beauty

He lives in music
He lives in love
He lives in compassion
He lives in peace
He lives in joy

He is the early morning dew drop

He is the in the majestic sun rise

I see him.....

yes, I see him...
I see him in the heart of a joyful person
In the laugher of a toddler
In a soft chuckle of a baby
In the glistening eyes of a loving friend
Inside a blossoming flower
In the deep blue ocean
In the mighty rocks
In green valleys and mountains
In sunshine and twinkling stars
In melodious music
And in the fingertips of an artist
In the moving body of a passionate dancer..

God is my friend, coach and my guide
God is with me all night and day
He is one person who has never left me
Strangely I met him
When I lost everything and every one
When I thought I have nothing
And every one has left
But he was there

“shhh.. my child.. I am here with you,
I have not left you and I will not leave you…
I am your creator…and you are in my care…

you are here because I need you”

Who is God to you?

Mistakes....

Ah.. here I go again..
I curse myself.. .
Who did this happen to me again..
Why did I let this happen to me again
I should have known..
This is not the first time
I tell my myself
Frowning at my own mistakes

Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes
I have made many
And yet I continue to make a few more
Just when I think I will not make another mistake
I have just made another

But aren’t mistakes lessons in life
Isn’t it how we learn lessons..
By doing mistakes and learning from them?
In a way, if I didn’t make mistakes
Would I have much to talk about?
Can I say yes, I have done that, being there?
This is how I felt and this is what I did..

I realize there are no mistakes in life
But only lessons
But unless we learn the lesson
It will keep coming back
Back again and again..
In different colours, different shapes
But it’s the same lesson…

Hopefully, when we know better
We can do better
So mistakes are just as important
As the successes we make in life
If only we have the wisdom to learn from them…


Learn from your mistakes the first time.. If not it will repeat again and again!

Where are you running?

Stop!
Think…
What are you doing?
Where is your life flowing?
Are you just running?
Running to or running away?
Or running with the flow..
Are you living?
Or just existing?
Don’t know or don’t want to know..
or
No time?

When was the last time you smiled?
When was the last time you stopped to smell the roses?
When was the last time you experienced joy?
No time?
What are you doing with your time?
Working?
For what? for whom?
Pay bills.. you might say..
But what bills are you paying?
May I ask?
Are they bills you really need?
Or are they bills you think you need?
Stop! and think…
Is your money and efforts going in the wrong way..
Is it going to a drain without knowing?
I see your account is full and brimming
But yet..
Then why are you feeling so empty?
Why are you running empty?
Why are you not happy? What are you not at peace?
Peace and happiness and tranquility
It’s not for me
You might say..
But I say you are wrong..
It’s also for you
Its also for all of us
But you have to find it..
It’s within you
It’s within your reach..
The name and status and fame and popularity
You have built or going after
I hope it will give you something back..
For you to hold on to on a dark lonely night
If the world forgets you just in case…

You are constantly running…
But my dear, where are you running?
Do you even know?
I hope..
I hope you know…
Seems like you are always in a hurry..
You don’t have time for anything..
For anyone or just for you..
But you are busy..
Day and night
Weekdays and weekends…
Busy doing things..
But yet..
I don’t see a smile on your face..
I don’t see joy in your eyes..

So.. stop and think
know where you are running to
And what you are running after
And then run on your own pace..
At your own comfort level
Don’t let others push you
To a run in a direction that you don’t want to
At the end..
It’s your run.. It’s your race..
Only you and you
Will meet the creator at the end..
Not me, not them
Just you!

Are you running?

Are you ready?

Shhhhh…….
Guess what?
Listen…
Sounds of birds..
The grass has turned green..
The last drops of snow have melted..
It’s still dark and gloomy
I hear the pitter patter of rain drops…
It’s April.. yes.. It’s April…
I look outside my window…
I see.. I see..
I see…
Hope…
Hopes of spring…
This time.. it is late…

I thought god has forgotten..
But finally,
I see its coming..
I hear the sounds..
I hear the smell
Of spring
Of hope..
New dreams, new goals..
A chance to make things right again..
To see the world in colour again…
I look forward to blue blue skies
Green green grass..
Blossoms of all colours
Lilac, pink and periwinkle blue..
Butterflies and little birds..
The sound of children
Laugher and play
It's time again
To dream and dream

yes of lovely dreams....

Goodbye winter blues
Hello Spring…
The spring of life
The spring of hope
The spring of joy
The spring of love..
Perhaps..
We can build again..
What ever we lost
In the dark, cold winter..

taken away
by the wicked storms and high winds
Taking away our dreams and hopes
Perhaps now
Again we can dream..
Again we can hope
It's time to
Review, rewind, and rejuvenate
And rebuild or rekindle...
What we lost in the storm
Hello.. Spring..
I welcome you both hands..
Welcome to my world
And my life..
I am glad you are back…

I missed you and waited for you for so long....

Are you ready for Spring?

What Do you Do?

Don’t you find sometimes
What ever you try to do or say
Goes wrong …
You try to do good with the best of your intentions
You try to save someone from making a huge mistake
You try to say some thing good to heal someone
With the best of your intentions
But yet,
It backfires?

And now everything sounds or looks
Like you have tried to create problems?
And make matters worse
Like adding fuel to the fire
Nothing seems to work

Why it happens I don’t know
Bad timing, bad judgement?
I don’t know.
All I know is, it happens

You offer your hand willing to help
Your open your ear to listen
You lend your shoulder to cry
You open your heart to give love
Your make your time to be there
You tell them that I am here for you..
But yet..
Nothing happens..
What ever you do is not enough
Or not good enough
Or may be its enough
But don’t you wish that
They would tell..
But don’t you wish they would take a second
And tell..

What do you do at times like this?
I don’t know..
Do you?

Don't turn back...

When things are tough
Don’t turn back
Muster your courage
And stay strong
And walk forward…
Yes, even if you are feeling hopeless
Empty and lonely
Just walk forward

This is time you must listen your inner self
Your guiding higher power
The negative voices may try to cripple you
And ask you to turn back
Give up and accept defeat
It will tell you, you are never good enough
And remind you of all your failures
Did I not tell you?
You can never be successful,
You will never measure up to anything
You are never loved
Go back.. turn back.. why bother
You are not good enough…

Don’t give in to your negative voice
Don’t let it take control..
Continue to have faith
Faith is believing in what you don’t see
Continue to walk forward..
If things are really bad
Take a rest..
But don’t turn back..
Keep walking forward..
You are this close to walking out
Walking out of the dark tunnel
Where you have been for many days,
Sometimes may be months or years..
Our creator can see how far you have walked forward..
For he has a bird’s eye view..
Not you or me..
So have faith and continue to walk forward..
When things get tough
It’s not the time to turn back..

Don't turn back - its not the time...

Are you looking for Happiness?

So you want to be happy?

looking for happiness?
Most of us do..
But do you know what happiness means to you?
What does happiness really mean to you?
Have you thought about this?
Not to your parents, not to your family
Not to the world..
But to you?
Do you have an idea..
What makes your heart glow..
Okay most people say that they would be happy if they win the lottery..
But what are the real chances of that..
Many and many depart without ever winning the lottery..
So what if you never win the lottery…
Think.. think.. think.. what will make you happy?
Sometimes, they are the little things…
Not necessary big things..
Things that you cant find around you…
Talking to a close friend..
Having a giggle
Or a belly laugh..
Being silly.. yes.. really silly…
Reading a book
Going out for a coffee with your girl friend..
Listening to your favourite music
Going for a walk..perhaps walking with your bare feet..
Making a garland from wild flowers
Chasing butterflies..
Eating vanilla ice-cream – huum, make a double scoop
These are simple joys in life..
That will make your heart sing
Bring a simile to your face
Dance your in your own tune..
Who cares what people might think…
Skip when you walk..
Know what makes YOU.. happy..
Then do some every single day..
Make it a priority to be happy
Make a commitment
Find your happiness
And start living it today…

What does happiness really mean to you?

Soul Searching

Do you know YOU?
Huum... you would wonder what sort of question is this
Don’t I know me?

Yes, I ask you again – Do you know YOU?
The real you?
Huum... you might think.. I am living and breathing..
I am paying bills, and taking care of my children
I am this and that.. holding a job, I cook and clean..
How real can I be..

I ask again.. Do your know your real SELF?
Do you know your spirit?
Okay now I don’t mean that haunted type of spirit
Do you know your soul?
Which is your real self?
The very core of YOU
The gem inside of you
Your truest self? Your sparkling self?
The one that will truly make you happy

Okay its possible your soul is buried with so much junk
It is mental junk you have collected from past..
You have no place to dump.. so you dump it on yourself
Days, weeks, months and years go by..
Soon you have buried your soul..
You no longer can find your soul..
You are missing something..
So you look outside..
For him, for her..
For stuff, yes, all kinds of stuff
Your mind tells you.. go get this..
You run.. then it says.. oh..no.. try this..
You run again.. then it says.. huuum.. may be not..
Oh.. may be you should try this…
Here you go again.. run.. run..

left, right, forward and backward...
Like a little puppy dog..
And which ever direction you run
You can’t find it..
So now you are sitting.. and thinking
I have done everything, looked everywhere
My credit cards are all maxed
My house is full of stuff
But still something is missing
I got married, or I got divorced
I even had children
I finished my degree.. and got another one
I thought a masters would help
I got a house.. it has a back yard pool
Oh.. I even re-did the deck
I got the office I wanted.. got a great view
I am looking outside..
But yet it feels empty..
Something is missing..

STOP
Breath…
Be nice to your self…
Look within…
Deep…clean your internal self..
Do what you must do..
It might take some time..
Depending on how much trash you have dumped on yourself..
Find your inner self..
Some may call this your higher power..
Some godly self..
Some soul or spirit..
Find it.. take it out..
Clean it and polish it..
Let your life reflect your soul

Let your mind and body be in sync with your beautiful soul
The your truest self
Your most authentic self
Bit by bit you will notice..
That what you were really missing
Was your OWN SOUL
And nothing else..

Happy soul searching folks…

For YOU...WOMEN

Hello friends..
Greetings for the new year.. and sorry I am late in wishing you..
If you are here for the first time.. welcome..
Thank you for visiting my site.. and I hope you find it interesting and I also hope you will visit more often…
If it’s a good place to gather then tell others.. because admission is free and you can visit as often as you like...and stay as much as you want.. no limitations...
If its not good then tell me.. drop a line.. let me see if I can do something to make it better..

This year I want to dedicate this site to YOU.. my kind.. for all women – my friends, sisters young and old, and also all women all over the world…
I want to write more about our pressing issues – what’s bothering us and also what brings us joy, laughter and sunshine..
I want to talk about how we feel about inside the dark tunnel but I also want to talk about how we can get out and walk to sunshine..
I want to write about tears, laugher, joy, humour and also the stuff that no one wants to write but loves to read..
Please feel free to give your feedback.. as it gives me courage to write me.. and friends and sisters I do need it very much..
I am not the “guru” of anything, the more I live I find that I don’t know much about a anything.. and there is lot more to life than degrees, diplomas and certificates..
I am not the light of all lights.. I am you.. but just have taken the courage to write about things..

Lets stand up for ourselves, shall we? Lets support our kind and give each other courage and a helping hand to move on.. where ever we are, we need to move on.. for the better, for the sunshine..

Peace and Joy to all…

Niroma

Let's Pick-Us UP!!!

You feel paralyzed?
Immobilized?
Can’t think?
Feel empty?
What happened honey?
Did anyone turn back on you?
Break your promises?
Didn’t keep the word?
Kept you waiting?
Didn’t show up?

Sisters, such things happen to us
At the most unexpected times
Just when we think
Everything is fine and honker-dory
When we feel we are just about to
Walk out that dark tunnel
To sunshine…

Something happens so drastic
So painful
To pull us back into the tunnel of darkness
Don’t give up sisters
Don’t.. because it’s not the time..
Not NOW and for some of us..
Not AGAIN...

Relax.. breath..
Go within…yourself..
You still have that friend..
Your faithful friend
The only person who loves you unconditionally
The only person who never leaves you
Your higher power, your Godly Self..
Some may call it the Lord…
It does not matter what you call..
He is there for you..
Right within you..
Where you can access day or night
Weekends or weekdays

Isn’t it strange sisters?
We always wait for someone…
Another person to complete us
When we are – ourselves, created to be complete on our own?
Even when you know that you know your way?
Even when you know that you will be okay?
We wait and wait and wait
Or continue to look for that person…
That other half..
Sometimes, even failure after failure
Telling us “I can’t make it on my own”

This happens to the best of us - dear sisters
Us.. who are smart and able and capable
Us… sometimes, who are out there managing other people
Us… who others look up to as "leaders"
But in our most private moments
We tell ourselves we can’t do it alone
So we look for someone to pick us up
Even though we know very well
We don’t have to anymore

Look within sisters..
You always have a friend.. a companion, a partner..
You do..
Just within your heart and soul
That friend is always there..
Also wanting to be your friend..
Wanting to give you a hand..

No matter how dark your tunnel is sister..
He will help you through to sun shine
If only you believe in your heart and soul

No matter what has happened to you sisters
Lives or jobs lost, marriages broken, partnerships shattered..
Please know, you will come through this..
Easy? not may be..
But surely you will…

Believe in yourself and your higher power
It’s within you.. and within your access at any time
Find that friend within yourself
Join hands and walk towards sunshine..
One little baby step.. no hurry
You are not in race..
Take your time..
And know that, no matter who has left you
You are never alone…
We are all created with a built-in-friend
And sometimes, for a while in our paths
This may be the only friend we may spend our life with..
Specially when external bodies.. walk out on us
Turn back or break promises..

Don’t let any externals stop you from walking your path
Give up your dreams and goals you have for yourself
Don’t wait and wait for someone to rescue you
For it may not happen
Don’t think you are not complete.. without that special person..
You are a complete human being..
You were created as a complete human being
Not a half a human being - dont look for that half outside
that half is inside of you..
Right inside of you

Lets pick our selves up sisters....

Don't Cry .....

Don’t cry when I am gone
But smile with me now while I am here
Don’t fill my coffin with roses when I am gone
Remember.. I can’t see them nor smell them..
So what’s the point…
But help me fill my life with joy when I am here
I don’t need long speeches of how great I have being

When I can’t hear anymore

Who are you trying to please?

Me?????

Hello...I am not there.. I am gone...
Instead...tell me now – what is in your heart…
Especially the good things you have to say about me

I hope there is at least a few...
Don’t feel guilty that you could not do much when I am gone
Do something with me while you can..
Don’t mourn when I am gone
I don’t want to have any regrets.. I plan not to..
So… Laugh with me now..be with me now..
Help me live my best life now.. and let me help you live yours too...

I don’t care whether you attend my funeral
For I am not there to take attendance
I would not know whether you were really there…
Actually there wont be one as I plan to give my body to the college
So they could make use of me to the fullest..

My skin, bones and teeth and tissues...
Let them learn something and try something new
For the benefit of others…
And let me help them with my dead body before it turns to ash…

Don’t take time off your busy schedule to attend the funeral

Dont cancel those appointments or keep those living beings waiting...

I can't see, I can't hear.. for I am gone...
Who is there – I am not there – I have departed…
But if you, can take time now
And spend it with me while I am here
I would know that you were there for me when I needed you most..
Don’t spend you hard earn money to gather merit for me
I know my responsibilities and it’s my primary responsiblity to gather merit for myself - I dont expect you to do this for me...

I have made my path and I am walking on it..

I know I will be okay....
Don’t try to remember the date I depart
For it’s not important anymore…
But while I am here lets remember the date I arrived..
Don’t be mad if I don’t leave much wealth for you
For I intend to spend it with you while I am alive
What ever you want to do for me
Do it now.. do it with me..
Hold my hand, give me a hug
Make me laugh and smile
Bring me flowers…if you can
They don’t have to be expensive
You know I love wild flowers
Don’t give me Diamonds or Gold
Crystal or Porcelain
Antiques or treasures…
You know, I have no value for them..
Any time you are not sure what to give me
Give me a hug.. nice and warm..
Or a smile – sincere and true
I value them more than millions
Sing me a song or walk with me

Or tickle me...
If you are busy its okay..
But drop me a note and tell me how you are..
What ever is in your heart tell me now
While I can hear and see, touch and feel..

If you think I am always going to be around
Then you are in an illusion
Sorry to burst your bubble
But it is the reality of life
We who are born will die one day too..
When we get the call.. we have to go..
When it comes we have to go
May not have time for long farewells…

Don’t tell me I am negative because I am talking about death
I am not depressed nor am I sick
I am not out of my mind…
Don’t tell me I am too young and I have lots of time
For I have seen death has no age limits
It happens to all at any given time..
I am not saying this to scare you or make you guilty
I am saying you this because it is the truth
Everything else in life is uncertain
But death my dear friend is certain…
That is a sure guarantee

It's not over yet..

Broken hearts - shattered dreams
Lost hopes – teary eyes…

The night is long and cold
And unbearably lonely..
Feel helpless and hopeless
Your heart weeps with sadness
You life is crumbling down
Right in front of your face…
The dreams you had of a rosy future
The sounds of laugher and smiles of joy
You imagined one day would come true
The feelings of warmth and love
And now the ruins of a lost dream
Anger and hatred
Sadness and disbelief
Frustration and confusion
Now looking down upon you
Like a fearful monster
Making you helpless

Where to run, where to turn..
Whom to tell..
You wonder
Feel like a bird in cage with wings cut
Unable to fly

All the dreams you once had flowing..
Now shattered in a flash..
Turned to ash..
Can’t see reason – cant fathom
Can’t comprehend…
Can’t make sense
Can’t justify
What happened?
Why did this happen?
And why now?
What did I do wrong
To deserve such pain

Why? Why? And why?
Too many questions with very few answers
Nothing makes sense
Your whole body is weak and pale
Can’t feel you limbs anymore
But still…
You hear your heart beat though it’s weeping.
When you think when all else has vanished…
Turn to ash..
Hopes lost.. dreams shattered..
Life ruined.. mind weak..
Just when you think everything is over…

And you want to pack your bags and close your eyes

and say "Good Bye" to the dear world..
You hear a beat..
Yes..
The beat of your heart..
Perhaps to remind you
That it is not over yet….

Is your heart still beating? then it's not over yet....

If only we could.....

If only we could live without expectations
Our lives would be much happier
More peaceful and more relaxing

If only we knew how to live without any expectations
From our loved ones
Not expecting a reply to a letter sent
Not expecting a word of thank you
Not expecting to return a favour
Not expecting to be loved back
Not expecting a hug
Not expecting a smile
Not expecting a helping hand

How do we live without expectations?
I really don’t know…
Do you?
But I find if we could live without expectations
Our lives would run much smoother
Without a lot of disappointments
And heartbreaks and sorrow

But then again can we survive?
Living without expectations..
Is there a life without expectations?

Is it possible to live without expectations?

In the name of LOVE

Ah.. the things we do..
In the name of Love
To be loved by someone
To feel wanted and loved
Appreciated and respected
How much effort we put in
Just to be loved by someone…

Forgetting our own selves
Our own values
Our own boundaries
Putting ourselves down
Way down in the list
The price we pay..
The miseries we sometimes have to go through
The pain we have to endure
Just to be loved
By some one…

As humans why do we crave so much
For love from others?

but its universal..

Sometimes, we live just to be loved
By someone else..
Dreaming, hoping, praying and wishing
Just to be loved

by another...

In this process, we forget ourselves
Our precious selves
And we forget to love ourselves
And take care of ourselves
To give the same love
We give others…
And then suddenly
When the love we expect from another
Is not to be found
We realize not only have we lost that person
But we have also lost ourselves
Because in loving another
In wanting to be loved by another

We have forgotten us..
We have lost our own selves
But at the end of the day..
When the night falls
And the whole world is silent
When it’s dark and lonely
No one to love us anymore
We are stuck with ourselves
And when are stuck with a self who has lost its love
You are stuck with a unloving YOU…

As much as we crave to be loved by others..
Which is a human desire extending to animals
It’s always wise..
Not to forget to love ourselves first..

or love us equally
So that even when we lose our loved one..
We are still left with a loving self…

Wouldnt it be wise?