Monkey praising it's own TAIL!

Ha..ha.. I may sound like a monkey who is praising its own tail but I cant help it…Yeyeyeyey…. Happy First Anniversary to Me...hup..hup..hup..I am jumping up and down with my tail wagging!

It’s exactly a year ago I started this blog. Yes, and when I had to write my first post I struggled…. actually wrote the first post on nothing. I have written over 50 blog posts in the past one year. Hey.. hey. What an achievement for this monkey ha? Oh, you know the freedom of this praising my own self? I am over 40! I no longer have to worry about what others think.. and you know what? It’s my blog and I cant say what I want right? And if you are 20.. start early.. its not about what other’s think of you.. Its about what you think of yourself. I learnt this message very late in life.. but I am here to tell you, you don’t have to.

I want to thank you all for you support and your interest you have shown in my blog – if I didn’t think it was helping others I wouldn’t be motivated to write. I must admit I love writing. It’s the one single media where I feel I am me…. I can’t dance or sing or perform…my real thoughts come on to surface when I am writing.. I feel free when I write.

I wish my mother had an opportunity to read this. She never had. She left me a few years ago. If she did she would have being very proud if not of me but her too. It was my mother who taught me to read and write – so she deserves all the credit. As some of you know English is my second language. At age 3 I started reading books in English. I had always preferred writing and reading to talking. I was the quiet one in my family. Everybody else talked a lot – they still do. So whether I liked it or not I listened – let’s say sometimes there wasn’t a choice. I thought somebody must listen. Later it became too much, now I just pretend like listening. Ha. ha.. very bad monkey ha?

Well, if you have a passion I encourage you to take it up. I don’t write perfect – and I know this too. I am sure I make many mistakes. But I am able to make my point across and live through my passion. I hope you too will take a simple step in following your passion. You owe it to your self. What is life if we cant live out our passions? Ah, it would be so dull.

So, today do something about your passion.. think at least this way.. Niroma is writing whether she thinks she can write or not… so, why not I do something with my passion?
Now would that be enough motivation?

Prisoner of Life..

Do not be a prisoner of your own life
Dear Sister…
Take courage, be strong
Have faith in yourself and Lord…
Believe in yourself
Walk.. walk.. my dear sister…
Walk towards light

Its okay my sister…
What ever happened in the past
Its over..
For today is another new day..
For new hopes and new dreams..
To begin your life new…

Take a chance dear sister
Its worth a try..
Walk away from darkness..
And walk in to light..

People may have done wrong by you dear sister
Or said wrong things to your hurt your feelings
Insulted you and made you feel so small
They may have robbed your worth
But don’t let them rob your soul and spirit
I know you are scared..
I know you feel weak..
I know you feel hurt..
But my sister..
Have courage to walk away
Break the steal doors of your prison
Walk away.. sister.. walk away…

I know, you can’t see the light
At the end of the tunnel..
Because you are not looking ahead
You are stuck in a prison
A dungeon you have made
For yourself…

Don’t sit in darkness
Don’t sit in sorrow
Take courage, take strength
Believe in yourself
Your strong inner self
And faith in yourself and the lord
Do your best
And the universe will do the rest…

Are you a prisoner of your own life?

Seperate Paths..

I waited for you for so long..
So long for you to understand me..
To understand my heart and my soul
To tell you
What is burning inside of me..
To know what I want
My dreams and goals…
To know my heart..
To know what spark me
To know what gives me pleasure
I had opened my heart
For years and years
And had invited you to step in..
But you didn’t take notice
Perhaps you were busy
Perhaps you were pre-occupied
Perhaps you didn’t want to
Perhaps you didn’t believe enough in me
Perhaps you didn’t want to join hands with me
I don’t know the reason
Because you never told me

I also tried to know you
Your heart
Your goals and dreams
You aspirations and fantasies
And what matters most to you
But you didn’t let me in
Into your heart or mind
I had thought we were in this together..
Walking hand-in-hand
Facing the road-blocks together..
And then exploring new tracks
Stopping by to enjoy the scenery
Or making a D-tour
Just because it would be fun…
But it didn’t happen…

I stood there, out in the cold
Like a total stranger
Waiting impatiently
To enter your world
But you didn’t allow me
To enter your heart
I also kept the gates of my heart
Open for you
Day-in.. Day-out
I had hoped
You would knock on my door
But it didn’t happen…

I was disappointed
Because you didn’t come
You never gave me a reason
Even if I asked you
Even if I begged you
Sometimes, I cried
Sometimes, I wept
Sometimes, I fought with you
But yet you were silent
Silent as a rock
A rock in a dark cold winter night
I could never understand
The silence.. and I still don’t…

I am sorry,
I can’t wait for you anymore
My heart tells me to move on
That I have waited too long
Life is short
Shorter than we predict
We never know when it ends
When it ends
I don’t want to have any regrets
I want to know
I tried and did my best..
So, I think its time
For me
To step in to the world on my own
To see what I can do
To test the waters
And to swim to my destination
To make my dreams come true
At least to give it a try
I have to do..
This on my own..

We were running
Yes..
But not in the same direction
In separate ways
We were walking
Yes,
But not in hand-in-hand
Alone in our paths…
Parallel and separate
I am not sure
Whether we will cross our paths any more..
For we have walked apart
For many years
Without us even knowing..

I can’t lie anymore
Or pretend
Or act
I also can’t wait anymore
I am tired of waiting
For I don’t think
We can walk back now
For we have walked apart for long..
Perhaps, we were never meant to be
Walking in the same path
It’s was my expectation
But perhaps it’s not goods will…
I wish you success
Walking on your path..
I hope you will be happy

Now, I want to give myself a chance
To walk in my path

For I will not be ME

until I walk on my path..

I cant walk on your path

if its not my path

and you cant walk on mine

if its not yours

I now want to walk on my path

and find my own happiness
For I believe I am worthy
As a human being
To find and walk on my own path
And walk to my own destination…
At least,
When that day comes
I want to tell my creator I tried.. I tried.. and I tried…

Are you on your own path?

Life Goes On....

Even when

things are going wrong in very possible way
But yet,
Life goes on
With the dawn of another new day
Birds singing merrily
Sun shining bright
Life goes on…

Things are going wrong in very possible way
Unpaid bills
Jobs lost
Contracts broken

Marraiges destroyed
Lives lost
Sicknesses arising
Children crying
Loved ones not talking
friendships lost
Dirty dishes in the sink
Laundry not folded
Problems not solved
Hurtful memories
Broken hearts
Confused minds
Tears still not wiped
But life goes on…
Everything is a mess
Life is a disaster
Can’t handle it anymore
Too much on our plate
No more strength to face
Another new day
Don’t know what to do
Wish the world would stop
With us..
And wait for us…
And say its okay.. take your time..
Wish it would give us time..
To heal a broken heart
Or
To find a solution
Or to gather enough strength
But it wont stop..
Here comes another day


The world doesn’t stop revolving even for a second
The sun does not stop from appearing
The night becomes day
Flowers bloom
Birds sing
Life goes on…
No matter what…
Life goes on…
Life goes on..
Life goes on…

And
No matter what
We are suppose to go with it…

No matter what, life goes on.. do you realize this?

Teach your Little Girls

Teach your little girls
How to live for themselves
Teach your little girls
To take care of themselves
And to make them the top priority
Of their lives

Teach your little girls
They are equal to little boys
And they too can achieve things
Teach them they can be
Anything they want to be
If they set their heart and minds..

Teach your little girls
To be strong
Powerful and assertive
To stand up for themselves
And speak their minds
And voice their opinions
And fight for their due rights
Teach your little girls
That they are good enough
Just as they are

Teach your little girls
That they no longer
Have to be the shadow of a
Strong man
But they them selves
Can shine and create their
Own shadow

Teach your little girls
To rise up and reach up
To walk straight with their backbones strong
To keep their chin up and face situations
To fight back fear and anxiety
And never to give up
When things go wrong

Teach your little girls
To Believe in their selves
And their souls
And have faith
In their little hearts..

Would you teach your little girls.. please..

As much as we like to...

As much as we like to help our loved ones
Be it our spouse, parents, children, siblings or friends
We can’t truly help them
Not until they open their hearts and minds to receive help

Sometimes, we may spend years and years trying to help another
Because we see a better path for them than the one they are walking on
So we push and pull and nag…
We use all the tools and techniques we have learnt
Love talk, guilty talk, sad talk, angry talk..
Until we feel like we have used it up all
All the talk we can talk
Nothing seems to work
Its only then we give up
When our selves are worn out, and running empty
Realizing that we have wasted a good many years
Trying to change someone –thinking it’s what they want
All with good intentions though
But not checking with them
If they really want to change
Little do we realize
It’s not what they want
Its what we want
If its what they want
They would change
Because if needed its in their power to change
But it’s not in our power to change others…
So we must understand this clearly,
We can’t change anyone if they don’t want to change
We can’t help anyone if they don’t want to be helped
We cant save anyone if they don’t want to be saved
As much as we try to avoid them falling into the dark pit below
Some people learn their lessons, only after falling in the pit
As much as we want to avoid them from a head-on-collision
Some people learn only from this
We all learn our lessons differently
And as much as it’s hard to watch
We must allow others to learn their lessons
In their own way…
Some of us will cross the road when we see trouble coming
But yet, for some
They will walk on to them.
Which is right, which wrong – I don’t know
But I have noticed
This is how they learn every single time..
Be it our spouse, child, friend or sibling
As much as we love these people
As much as we want them to live trouble free
Who are we?
To stop them from learning and growing
If this is their chosen method or learning

Is it time to let go?

Are We Sleepwalking?

Have we been sleepwalking through our lives?
Have we become deaf and blind to our lives?
Are we on mute?
Is it just me?
Or are you feeling this too?

Don’t we care anymore?
Don’t we care about this world and us?
Do we not believe in good anymore?
Does it not matter anymore?

I miss pure art.. I see porn.. I am tired of the crap I see on most channels
I miss pure music – where music used to sound like a harmonious combination of instruments.. instruments you could recognize.. the piano, the guitar, the drums, the flute, the violin…
I miss pure love.. it’s just lust now mixed with greed..
I am tired of seeing skinny women walking down the catwalk almost clad with nothing on their so thin bodies.. they must be unhappy for they don’t smile.. how can they?
What ever happened to curvy, voluptuous women in decent clothing?
I am tired of women still selling their bodies.. showing off their body parts just like its nothing..
I feel sorry for our mothers and grand mothers.. they worked so hard to fight for women’s rights..
Some even gave their lives..

I feel sad, in the name of fame and popularity people have lowered standards..
People are poisoning pure art, music and fashion…
Through a media that can create love, harmony and peace
They have created venom that destroys young minds..
Young minds we need for a better tomorrow – a strong tomorrow
Is being captured like prisoners
Selling almost porno as art, scary sounds as music, crap as fashion

Is it our fault?
Did we stop caring?
Or have we changed?
Or are we helpless?
Perhaps we have been sleeping?
Or are we sleepwalking?

Are we sleepwalking?

Is it time?

I realized in every situation
There is only so much I can do
No matter how much I try
There is only so much I can do
And the most powerful realization
Is knowing what my limit is..
Realizing that the power I have is limited
Realizing I cannot do everything
As much as I want to
And most importantly
Knowing I have done the best..

Sometimes in life
I have pulled, pulled and pulled..
To solve problems.. of my own and others..
After a certain point nothing seems to work..
And if I continue more
I would be killing my soul and myself
I trust it’s important to know my limit and my capacity
And to know that I have done the best I could
And to
To surrender myself to my creator above

This does not mean giving up
Quitting ahead..
Not trying enough
But just knowing you and your limits
What’s achievable and what’s not
What is working and what is not…
When to stop and say,
Lord I have tried by best
and just let the rope slip....
For your own good

Is it time for you?

Where is "GOOD?"

What ever happened to the “good?”
Why isn’t anyone covering the “good?”
Why isn’t there a place for the “good?”
Why isn’t anyone tuning to “good?”

We listen to news at six
The late edition at seven
Or the in-between at nine
Or just before we go to bed at eleven
It’s always about some misery, a death, a fight,
Fraud, heartaches, bombs, terrorists or street violence
Child molesters, rapists, and killers
What about the good that happens every day
The people who live an honest living
People who do good
People who give others a hand
People who bless others
People who take care of others
People who give their lives to help others
Brave mothers, fathers, sons and daughters
Noble priests, kinds monks, faithful teachers
Creative artists and singers
What about our those brave people?
People who save the penguins or dolphins?
People who stop by in the middle of the night to help a stranger?
What about God? What about Angels?

Where is joy, where is laughter?
Where is good humour?
Where is passion, where is hard work?
Where is sincerity, where is honesty?

Why isn’t anyone covering the “good”?
Why isn’t anyone paying attention to the “good”?
Why isn’t anyone listening to the “good”?
Where is “good”?

Is it any wonder we are living in darkness?
Fear and horror
Our hearts filled with hatred, revenge and prejudice?

Can anyone tell me what ever happened to “good?”
I miss the “good”. Don’t you?

Have you heard GOD?

Just when I thought..
That everyone has forgotten me
And left me in the dark
Inside this tunnel of scary life
God peeps into my heart
Like a ray of sunshine..
And whispers
I am still here.. I haven’t left

Just when I thought
I couldn’t continue anymore
And I have given all what I have
And nothing more to give
God whispers in my ears
And gently reminds me
No you are not done yet my dear..
You have more to live for
More to give and more to get
More to learn and more to grow

Just when I thought
All my dear friends have forgotten me
And have no use of me anymore..
Here comes god again
And whispers
Did you forget I am your best friend?
And I am still here

Have you heard God?
You may call it different names…
You higher power, your inner voice, your godly self or your divine self..
Your authentic self or your inner self..
This is not about a religion
It’s about faith
Faith in you
And your higher self
That part that reflects your godly self..
Have you found the god in you or within you or above you?
I hope you have..
If not I hope you invest some time
To find it..
Because it is the greatest gift you can give yourself..
The best ever friend you can find for yourself..

God is one person who has not disappointed me
One person who has always been there for me
One person who has never isolated me
One person who has not betrayed me
One person who has not disrespected me
One person who has not ignored me
One person who has loved me for who I am
One person who has delivered on time all his promises
One person who didn’t forget me
One person who has held my hand and showed me the way

And I am here to say – its in you too..
It’s not just for me but for you too..
Its grace is also for you
Let me remind you again,
It has nothing to do with a religion or a particular faith group
It’s in all of us..
Depending on your belief
It’s with you, in you, within you or above you
But its there for you

So today, take time to find it.. find the God within you.

Happy Birthday to ME

Good day to you all my dear friends.. sorry for the long pause.. wao it was been a really long pause.. and thank you to some of you who reminded me that I am in fact taking a way too long break..

Guess what? two months ago I turned 41! Yes, yepeeeeeeeeeee…. Well it started a bit sobby and weepy because some people I thought would remember it was my birthday forgot or didn’t know.. hmm its always hard.. it’s even harder to admit and write it here.. because we are taught not to talk about these things and let it pass or just say “oh, its okay.” You know what? I am 41 and I am getting too old to pretend anymore, I want to live truthfully as much as possible. And hopefully I like to walk my talk. I cant hold back the tears anymore and pretend like its okay. so I tell you it sucks when your dearly beloved friends forget.. okay.. I feel better now.. and the good part was people I thought would never remember did remember and called me to wish.. ha.. amazing ha.. God always does something to balance the act.

Approaching my 41st birthday, I was determined I was going to celebrate it in a different way.. I have reached a time and stage where I strongly feel I must live for myself. Hum. Some of you might say isn’t it too late. Trust me, I do feel its too late but then if I pass now when will I ever get to do it? I have always lived for someone. For my parents, for my husband – or some one. my existence has always been for someone else other than myself.. I realized this recently – a few months back.. and it’s not the greatest realization.. and I feel its time to change it..

The first thing I did was printing out the lyrics of the song my way – by Frank Sinatra.. boy isn’t that a beautiful song.. Do you remember the words? its lovely.. this is how I want to live.. my way.. and why not?

I decided to spend the day just by myself.. ah shocked? But why not? after work I had booked myself for a head-to-toe massage.. ah.. what a treat.. then I dressed up and went for dinner by myself and after, for a movie.. it was nice.. a very nice experience.. it was my special gift for myself.. for me it was a memorable birthday.. turning 41 and learning to live for myself..

Birthday is just another day.. true.. another 24 hours in our lives.. but it was a good day to start something new.. because I knew I had to start some where.. I am sharing this with you so you too can do something for yourself.. and take control of things when you can..

I wished myself a Happy Birhday.. and it sure feels good to know that I am there for myself... I know I have started something new and I want to continue to do it..

Would you like to start something new? why not? Give it a try..

Happy September!

Hello friends, hope you all are doing great. I am so sorry for not writing..
Ah.. what can I say.. going through some transitions myself and have not had the peace-of-mind to write something. But I must tell you I have really missed it.

Thank you all for your encouraging words and it keeps me going.. it means a lot for me so thank you from the very bottom of my heart. And thanks for your reminders that I have not updated my blog since May.

Wao, can you believe, its September.. kids are back to school and summer fun is about to finish.. well it’s a sign to get serious and focus on one’s goals.. I love September.. the beginning of another glorious season.. and my favorite season is Fall.. most of all I also feel this is a time to set new goals.. and certainly for me – a brand new season with brand new hopes..

Talk about hopes, even if they shatter its nice to have hope.. life is nothing without hope.. what do you think? Every time a hope shatters I tell myself no more hopes.. but what is life without hope? What do we wake up to? What do we breath for? What do we live for? If not for HOPE!

This brand new season I want to concentrate on living for one’s self.. that is for myself.. and I want to share my experiences on this part of the journey of life with you. The recent transitions I have gone through or currently going through have made me pay attention to this. Perhaps its part of growing.. humm.. I like to put it this way than just saying getting old.. ahhhhhhhh.. I want to scream… but really, not a lot of us.. especially women, do live for ourselves.. Isn’t it sad.. we don’t choose to live for ourselves.. we tend to take of everyone except our glorious selves.

How can we experience life to the fullest if we don’t live for ourselves? How would we ever get-to-know us.. the U in yoU?

Today, I heard someone saying on radio – We all die but very few live – how true.. Now that we know we die shall we try to live?

And may I request from now on for all readers to participate in sharing your comments.. you don’t have to state your real name.. I understand your concerns about privacy..and I respect this.. but I just like to know your thoughts.. I also like to feel that I am not alone in this path..

Happy September friends.. love you all!

Take this MOMENT

Ah.. the plans we make to live forever and ever
The promises we make to be there forever and ever
The preparations we make to live a better life
Some day.. some where
Not realizing that
All we really have is - this moment

But we often sacrifice our moments
No just moments
But
Hours, days and weeks
Sometimes ...
Even months and years
To prepare to live
As if someone is going to tell us…
On your mark..
Get set…
Go…
Go live your life NOW..
Does it happen like this folks?

I dont think so...
To live our dream life
To live happily ever after…
We try to pretend like we are here
For ever and ever
We seek promises and guarantees
And sometimes

Life time guarantees
When our lives alone have no a guarantee
When were are born
Do we get a guarantee?
How long we will live..

Who can gurantee us?

But in true reality
what we have is - this moment
Lets not waste it folks
Lets live it
And live the best we can...
Not anybody’s best but our own best
Lets be thankful
For this moment...
Lets show gratitude
For this moment of life
Within a moment
You can tell someone you love them
You can hold your friends hand
You can give them a hug
Smell the roses
Look at the sky and observe the colours
Listen to a bird sing
Throw a pebble to the lake and watch how it makes ripples
Notice the colour of a ripe cherry tomato
Say a simple prayer
And give thanks to your creator
And the list goes on…

The moments may add to an hour
And hour to a day
And so forth..
And if it does..
Lets consider it a blessing..
A true blessing..
Why waste years and years
In planning and preparing
When we have this perfect moment
Lets grab this moment
And live it
To our BEST..

Shall we???

Are you in touch with yourself?

There are times in our lives we have to be really alone.. no matter how much family we have or how many friends we have.. we have to be alone.. often times, during miseries.. during tragedies.. during extreme painful times.. we are truly alone.. No one can take away your pain.. no one can take away your fear..
For whatever reason you may not get a chance to connect with your loved ones, hold their hand or give or get a hug.. we wish, we hope, we pray but it’s just us.. alone.. in the darkness of life.. in terror.. in fear.. in desperation…

In such times, all you have is YOU and your faith.. I hope you have faith in YOU and also your faith.. what ever you believe in life.. It’s important to have faith. in some thing or some one and most importantly YOU. At the end of the day, it's just YOU. No matter how powerful we are financially, how influential, how famous, how knowledgeable, how social we have become… there are moments in life we are just alone…it happens to all of us.. in a hospital bed, on a dark night worrying what happened to our loved ones.. when you cannot contact with anyone else outside, when you have lost connection with all… its still important to stay connected to yourself…because YOU are still with YOU. And your faith will get you through the day… You will keep company with YOU. Its important to stay in touch with yourself.. not just for emergencies but at all times.. Although we like to think that there is always people around us – you would be surprised when you need them the most for some reason they are not there.. All you are left with is YOU. And if you have not met you and not made connections with yourself it can be pretty scary. Imagine meeting some one new for the very first time during a time of crisis.. If you haven’t built faith then you also nothing to live for when all doors are closed to you.

Today, take time to examine your faith. Make a date to meet with yourself -the most important person in your life. Make a connection before it’s too late.

If not NOW...When????

It’s kind of funny, I was just thinking.. and have realized this recently, we as women no matter how independent we have become in our professional lives, still live for others subconsciously.. I hope you understand.. we tend to live for our husbands, children or parents.. Subconsciously the decisions we take tend to be always for the benefit of others.. well as women, have a long tradition and also a very high expectation of living our lives as caregivers, constantly giving care to others but very rarely giving care to our own selves…

How many of you women would agree with me? even if we are picking vegetables and other groceries at the store, the first priority goes to what everybody else wants .. even we decided to cook its subconsciously about what the other person would like to eat.. very rarely would we make something for us.. When do we live for us ladies? When? If not now when?

Every single day we live we are also getting one day closer to death.. and how can we predict how long we would live.. some of us can’t ever imagine of retiring from life due to high financial responsibilities.. so we may never get to retire and do all the things we always dreamt of.. not to be negative here, would we have the health to do it? At the rate most women kill themselves to keep home fires burning and look after the family, community and world would we have our health? At the high cost of being a super woman we have lost our souls don’t you think so?

Perhaps, its time to think.. are we really living for ourselves? Are we doing things we want and like and enjoy? Are we putting ourselves on the top of our pedestals?. Who actually sits on our pedestals?. where’s U in you? Is it all always the last? Why is it so hard for us to live for ourselves? Is it our upbringing? Our society expectations? Why do we feel guilty to live for ourselves? Don’t we have the right? Or do we think as we don’t deserve it? Is the world our responsibility? Is everybody’s happiness always our responsibility? Are we responsible for the whole world? But let me flip the questions.. who is responsible for us? Who is responsible for our happiness? Who will take care of us? When do we get to live for yourselves?

Some of us are so buried in this we no longer know how to live for ourselves.. but if you have at least recognized this that is a great first step.. today can be the first day to a new life.. a brand new life… Lets learn how to live for ourselves.. shall we? At least we can say, when the time comes, I gave my best shot.. well if we didn’t try we would not know ah?

Are you living for yourself?

Loving YOU

We all want to be loved and accepted..
It’s a universal desire
But if we sacrifice our own souls
Just to be loved and accepted by others
At the end of the day
We lose ourselves..
When we do lose us
There is nothing inside left
We become empty and hollow...
So, lets guard ourselves

From sacrificing ourselves
Our true souls
Just to be loved by others...
Instead, lets turn inwards
And find love
Within us...
Within our own hearts
And souls
So when the rest of the world
Forgets or gets busy
We can still exist
Because we have plenty of love
In us
And within us
The Good Lord did not
Forget to put a lot of love
In us when he created us
But he stored it deep in our hearts
Where its is safe and secure
So we have to go within
To find it..
So even on a day
When we have to go without
The love of others
We still have enough
Within us..

Do you love yourself?

Its all in your HEAD

This happened many many years ago. I could say decades but I don’t want to. I was a senior school prefect and one of our major responsibilities was to organize and run the annual sports festival. Those of you who knew me from childhood would know that I came from family of reputed athletes. Yes, you guessed it I was the one who didn’t own a single trophy. The black sheep of the family. One of my tasks at this special event was to coach a group of sixth graders for a team event. Ah! this was a topic in my family. Me the non-sportswoman – coaching a group for a sports event. How is that possible? You can imagine the tasteless humour ha? As you know I never liked sports – that was not my passion. I liked cricket only and again those of you who knew me would know it’s not because of the game – I did not know much about cricket either.. sily mid-off or sily mid-on I thought they were both very silly. But I ask me about the cricketers.. let me put it this way folks.. I was much learned about the cricketers… ha.. ha.. Oh okay let’s leave it for another day.

In school I belong a house – Motwani House (named after one of our great principals’ of the past) that did very poorly in sports. We had a high reputation for academics and arts but not sports. Obviously, my sixth graders also belonged to this house. Every year we came last. That was almost written in stone and acceptable. My six graders believed that and it was instilled in their minds. Every afternoon after school in the hot scorching sun I tried to coach them for the event. Boy, it was a task. It took me about two weeks just to get the little girls to a group. They didn’t want to come for practice. They made every attempt to disappear from the grounds and made lame excuses not to participate. I did not give up – lets say initially for my self too.. for I was scared of facing my critiques at home.. little by little I managed them to earn their trust. I told them all I expect from them is to participate and do their very best as we could not avoid participating. And I told them regardless I would buy them all ice cream just for participating and co-operating. Every day I thanked them for coming in for practice. I appreciated their efforts; I commended on their good work and talked about how we can do our best. Towards the latter part, they would start practicing before I come-in. They worked very hard each pitched in. I was satisfied with their performance and timing. Most of all I was convinced they were doing their best.

On the day of the event I must say I was anxious for my self and my girls. The time came for the event and they went in.. Guess what folks.. Yes, they came first. I was so happy. Overall Motwani house still came last. But in this event they came first. Of course, I kept my promise – I brought them ice cream – mind you I was on a student’s budget. That was my weekly allowance but it was worth it. They did more than what was expected and the girls were thrilled of their accomplishment. And you know what this meant to me? Yes, victory, for the reputation I had earned in my family this was sheer victory.

We often tend to stereotype people and we label them. Many of us put on those labels without really exploring them. We become losers before we really become losers. We take on a message that someone had mistakenly labeled. And we start acting on those as if it’s written in stone. This becomes extremely destructive when it comes to kids, for they may not have the power to question. Unfortunately adults do the same thing too – they take on and live those labels without ever questioning or exploring their abilities.

Lets explore our labels today? Perhaps you are labeled by mistake. Remember you don’t have to live up to that. You have the power to change it.

To My BELOVED

To you my Darling….
My beloved – my beloved…
My beloved friend and sister…

What a strange connection we have my dear…
I never heard your voice ever
I never saw your picture ever
I never met you in-person ever
I never knew where you lived
I never knew what you looked like
But I know, I knew you my darling
Yes, my darling I knew you
In my heart – I knew you
You are my beloved..
I felt your warmth
I felt your love
I felt your laugher and joy
I felt your energy for sure my dear…
And I knew – I love you very much
I learnt the true meaning of love
By loving you…
By loving a person that was not visible to me
To my eyes..
But you were visible to my heart…
In my heart I saw you…

Its been a few months since your departed my dear
But I still miss you like yesterday
Some days are easy – some not…
I still wish you would appear some where some time my dear..
Because I miss you so much…

What a strange connection we had..
That only you and I would know
Something I could not justify…
And nobody else would understand…
But today – it does not matter anymore
I don’t need to prove to others
For I know, I knew you
In my heart…

You were the baby sister I never had
But always wanted
I loved when you called me “Di”
And I still hear that every day my dear

Just before you departed my darling
I promised you that I will keep you in my heart for ever
So that is where you will stay my sweet darling
In my heart.. for ever….

I knew my life was going to change
And it’s never going to be the same
And I told you this..
And you wanted to know why?
Although you were much younger to me
You taught me a great lesson
To live every day to the fullest
And to be brave and fearless
And to do my best
With the time I have left

Thank you my sweet love
For entering my life
Even though it was for a very short time
You made a huge difference in my life…
Thank you my darling for sharing your love with me
And thank you for letting me be part of your life
I am honoured to have known you my darling
When you told me that you wanted to be born as my sister
That was a true honour to me – my darling…

My beloved..
Like I promised you my darling
You will always remain in my heart..
And I love you baby sister..
Truly, madly, deeply….

Discover Your TRUE Self

Is there something you constantly seek in life? Do you feel you are missing something and don’t know what it is? Regardless of the many things you have acquired in life, do you feel life is empty? Unfulfilled?
Most of us live lives that are unfulfilled. From a very young age we are molded into fulfilling other people’s expectations such as our parents, grandparents, teachers, older family members, leaders or other community members. Many of us struggle and strive to meet other people’s expectations for years and don’t even realize until its too late that we are in fact fulfilling other people’s expectations and not our own.
Amazingly I find, although we live life according to other people’s expectations, deep down we also know what we truly desire. We also know that we are not living our Authentic Lives and are not fulfilling our own true passions. Although we have heard and may continue to hear form our authentic inner selves, we go with the flow ignoring what we truly desire. We go about pursuing life and career paths that mean absolutely nothing to us. We sit through days, semesters and years to complete diplomas and degrees that bring us no fulfillment – no passion – no desire. For years and years we get stuck in careers and life paths that limits us our true potential. We tell ourselves we are doing fine in our own prison cells even if we are not.
Perhaps, you have acquired everything you thought you needed in life– the big house with the backyard swimming pool, the sleek two-door sports car, the big bank balance with lots of zeros at the end, a wardrobe full of designer clothes, and the list goes on – you are in fact may be sitting in that corner office with that breathtaking view – your name proudly displayed on the door – Are you gazing at your own name and wondering who that is? Do you feel proud of yourself? Are you satisfied with what you have accomplished? If you do – it’s wonderful, Congratulations! You have made it. You have done well for yourself and I don’t think you need to read further. But, if you don’t then perhaps you could benefit from reading further.

Do you feel you have achieved everything you possibly could but yet not feel an ounce of happiness inside? Do you know deep in your heart that you are missing something very important? Do you feel that you have acquired a lot of “stuff” that does not bring any pleasure or passion to your life? Regardless of everything you have acquired do you feel you haven’t achieved or accomplished anything? Do you feel that you have done everything to look good on the outside but feel lost and lonely inside?
It’s never too late to discover your true passion. I believe we must at least get to know our true passions – to know what sparks a fire inside of us. What makes our hearts and souls glee with sheer joy? Many of us spend years and years in colleges and universities studying and perfecting subjects and concepts that don’t even interest us but yet, we hardly spend time to get to know us. Some of us have even reached mid life without knowing what we want – what we truly want. We become masters in “this and that” and “specialists” of a lot of things. But yet we know nothing of our own selves – isn’t it sad?
If this sounds familiar then I think you are ready to explore more about your self. Today, take the time to think about your true passions. Listen to your Authentic Voice. Allow your inner-self to speak. It’s in you and it’s in every one of us. Finding your Authentic Voice in my opinion has nothing to do with a religion. (That is if my opinion counts!) Your Authentic Voice speaks to you when you are at peace with your self - when you honour and respect your self. Sometimes you may be able to find your Authentic Voice on your own. If you cannot, you may require the help of someone else such as a Coach – someone who can guide you through the process step-by-step.
Whether one decides to pursue its true passion or not – I believe at least we owe ourselves to find it. When you do, you will start to honour your self. I truly believe we are here for a purpose and the purpose of life is to find it and pursue it.
I have found many people wondering what their true passions are about. Many of them do know that they are missing something in life but are afraid to find out. This is often due to fear of change. I believe it’s easy and safe to stick to what you know even if it does not give you joy. So most of them continue to ignore their Authentic Voices and go on living mundane lives. Yet a very few of them pursue their passions and begin to create the type of life they want. They choose to live colourful, meaningful lives by fulfilling their true potential and passions. All this takes time, lots of effort and taking real actions – one-step at a time. Yes! You will have to pay a price and I believe, at the end it will be truly rewarding. I don’t want to sound like it’s a “piece of cake” – because its not. You do have to cultivate lots of patience, trust in yourself and confidence. Often compromises and sacrifices have to be made. At the end of the day – it’s your decision. Only you have the power to make it happen.
Today, I have found my passions and have started to honour them. Like many of you I lived my life to please others. I pursued things that gave me no passion. I ignored my Authentic Voice for a long time, telling myself there is nothing I could do or it’s too late. I blamed others for my unhappiness. Deep down I knew that things would be better if I changed but I didn’t want to because I was afraid of the unknown. I lived in my own prison cell for a long time until I became so tired of not fulfilling my true passions – it was painful. It finally seemed more painful not to take the risk than to actually take it.
I must admit, it has not been smooth sailing – I have crossed many deep seas and from time-to-time faced many storms, there is always barriers road-blocks - there is still blocks of time where I feel I will never be able to get through – I am sure, I will continue to face them in the future too. At least, now I know where I am headed and deep in my heart I know I am in the right path – I know I am honouring myself and doing what I am meant to do. It’s such a beautiful feeling. Sometimes, it gives me that “on top of the world” kind of feeling. Some of you may think that this is only possible for the rich and famous for I used to think that too. I am neither rich nor famous, but an ordinary person and I have started to discover my true passions. I started one little step at a time. Today, it sure feels good – I hope you will decide to do the same for you.

Today, give your self a chance to discover your true passion and start living your Authentic Life… ONE STEP at a time.

Spring into LIFE

Sorry folks, it happened again.. nothing was written for the month of March.. ah.. what happened to March? Today is 31st… but what happened to this month? Does this mean I am a real writer? if so then I must have been hit by the writer’s block.. although I have no clue what it is…

I think the long winters of Toronto have really hit me badly.. just felt like going out-of-track.. nothing seems to flow smoothly.. does this happen to you? Everything is passing by so fast and you feel like you are trapped – cant move in to real action.. I don’t know what has happened to me.. where was I? Some days, I have felt like I was just watching my self from out side.. Its like a train in full-motion.... things are happening so fast and I can’t get in to the train because it does not stop for long… hmmm.. I think I have been stuck in the station for some time unable to get in my train... Do you know what I am talking about? I hope you do.. because I dont want to be the only one.

Perhaps its time for a spring clean.. not just my back yard and closet but also my life.. You know what folks? It’s a great idea.. to spring clean your life – getting ready for a brand new season.. Get rid of what you want and just throw the rest.. I love the throwing part... it feels good...well I know it isn’t that easy but at least lets try – shall we?

Ah… Spring.. I so look forward to it – it’s my favorite season. Especially for us in Canada... after a long gloomy winter.. well you know the last lap after Christmas is always a drag – with no holidays until Good Friday. But for me Spring always brings new hope.. new dreams.. new beginnings.. Its time to start again.. even if you have messed up all year long, it just gives you hope that you can start again.. Mother Nature does.. from scratch so why cant we? I look forward to seeing the fresh green of young leaves.. yes, to see my lawn green again.. soft blue skies.. the sounds of pretty birds.. today, I woke up to the sounds of birds.. what a beautiful sound.. ah, I then look forward to the myriad colours of tulips…ribbons of colour that mesmerizes you…charming and captivating… Life flows again…Yes! life starts to happen again..step-by-step... I don’t know, there is something about Spring.. Do you feel it folks.. the magic of spring… Mother Nature starts to paint the world with splashes of colour.. soft green, blue, lilac, pink and peach.. then she adds the sounds of birds…children playing outside and their laughter.. the sweet fragrance of blossoming flowers…truly magical....

Its time to spring clean our lives folks.. get ready for a brand new beginning.. to nurture our souls.. to feed and nourish.. to take care and tend to our selves.. for we are worth it.. its okay if we had made a mess.. we get another chance.. Yes! another brand new beginning.. to sing a new tune.. to dance a new step.. to dream a new dream… to start a new relationship and also to spring clean the ones we have been neglecting.. to get back on track.. if we have been.. well, I sure have been...

Come-on Folks.. lets join hands here.. get out of your closets.. and spring in to life.. A brand new life awaits us.. It’s another chance to make things right…its time for new hope.. new dreams…

Lets spring into life shall we? Lets have a blast!

Please... Understand!

Please understand…
I am your child
But I am not a piece of clay
Don’t try to mould me in to piece of pottery
For I am made out of flesh
And I have a soul...
When you try to mould me
Like a piece of clay
My soul gets crushed

and it gets damaged
Beyond repair

The creator has given me a mind
And a soul of my own...
I have a mission and a vision
To live my very best life
If I didn’t follow your dream
It does not mean
I don’t care for you
Or I don’t respect you

But please understand
I have to live my best life
Honouring my own true self
I have to use the tools
That is given to me
By my creator

I cant be the best me
If I try to follow your plan
So please understand
I have to find my way
I may not follow your path
Or follow your footsteps
But, I will find my own path
And decide to walk on that
But that does not mean
I have no respect
For my life or for yours
That does not mean
I have no dreams of my own
That does not mean
I am here for a free ride

with nothing to contribute...

Please trust me
That I can make my own decisions
That I am thankful for
All you have done
You have taught me
Many things
You have given me my values
You have given me ethics
You have taught me principles
And I am eternally thankful for that…

I still need your love
I still need your guidance
I still need your blessings
I can’t survive without you
I can’t accomplish my dreams
If I don’t have your support
So please don’t turn away
From me
If I don’t follow your dream
If I don’t follow your foot steps
Please give me a chance
And please have patience
Please believe in me
And please trust me
I will make something
Good out of me and my life
Please be with me
While I find my path
For I cant do it
Without you.

Could you try to understand your child a bit more today?

I am here for YOU

This is dedicated to a Very Special FRIEND

I know you are going through a really rough time
But I just want to let you know that I am here for you
As your friend..

Please understand…
This too shall pass my dear
And you will survive and rise above
I know this my friend
You will come out better than before

as a very strong human being....

You have experienced love, happiness, to-getherness and laughter
And you know how wonderful it feels
To be showered with such thoughts and acts...
But now - my friend..

It’s your turn to experience the opposite
Anger, frustration, confusion, and separation
You must also experience these to make your life complete
For it’s through these

You master courage, strength and wisdom
Perseverance,determination and focus
Just think about it my dear friend
When everything is going well in your life
You don’t need much faith..
You don’t need much courage...
You don’t need much wisdom...
Because things just flow like water…..

But when things are not going well, my friend
You need courage...
You need faith...
You need wisdom...
To help you through your journey

My dear Friend….
All though you think you have lost a lot
I am telling you ..
You have not!
With your loss you also have gained
Many new things in your life…

you did not have before

You are put on test
To see how you do in crisis…
To see how you handle problems
To see how you learn to take care of things

To see how you live for your self
To see how much faith you have
To see how much trust you have
In order to accomplish your dreams and goals

You will have to face these
In real life...

You cannot operate with love alone
You cannot operate with happiness alone
If you don’t have experience now my friend
Then how will you survive later….
How can you help another in crisis?
How can you guide another in trouble?
How can you identify a tear in another’s eye?


So my dear friend…
This is a test – and take it with grace my friend…
I believe you will come out with flying colours
For I believe in YOU my friend...

Although, we live miles apart and many time zones apart...
Please know,
I am with you every step of the way
Praying and wishing from all the best...

from the core of my heart

I pray....

for your happiness and success
And peace-of-mind
So never feel that you are alone…

Because I am here for YOU

In these difficult times
Walk forward with grace and confidence
Stay focused and be alert

Dont let anyone cloud your mind

Or step in your toes

Or distroy your peace-of-mind

Or take away the goodness you have

Or your dreams and goals...

Believe in your self and your faith
Never give up – my friend – Never!
Because you only have a few more steps to take to finish
Although you don’t know this…
You are so close to the end this race….

I am here for you MY DEAR FRIEND!

The Closed Door

I used to spend years and years trying to open close doors… yes, years and years – I am not talking about an year or two – close to 25 years - that is way more than a quarter of my life … I was stuck at one stage in my life and ONE door that was closed on me… I felt it slammed on my face… I cried and cried, wept and screamed.. I stood by the closed door – I tapped on it – knocked on it – thumped on it.. I tried to force-open it – it was never opened…I thought one day it would open – just one day – only if I was patient enough, only if I continue to dwell on enough sorrow and pain – only if I punish my self enough and feel sorry for myself it would be opened..but it never did!

By doing this I did not realize my youth was robbed – I missed the rainbows, I missed the sun set and sun rise, I missed the sparkling stars, I missed the summer rain, I missed the joys of life, joys of my youth – I was buried with self-pity - I did not see light. I was facing my back to light – I never saw the sun shine…. I was creating my own shadow by facing my back to the sun – I was standing in my own shadow… I missed out on all the fun… I didn’t think I have the right to have fun – just simple fun – because I was just waiting this door to open… which never did…I thought life will flow after this door was opened for me...

You know? what I did not realize was – every home has a front and a back door… I stood by the front door but people in it had left from the back door. They were long, long gone! but I did not know… my cries were never heard, there was nobody to answer the door – not only had they left, they had also built new homes and castles, oblivious to my sorrows – they had moved on – they probably didn’t realize I was still suffering, I was still weeping – they had moved on… To see, I was standing in front of an empty house for years and years…

During this time, many other doors were open to me – but I didn’t look – I didn’t turn – because I was so obsessed with the one that was closed – eventually the ones that were opened were also closed… I was alone in the corridor with all doors closed… it was a hard lesson but I learnt something good… I know now – not to dwell so much on closed doors… I know through experience now when a door closes on you another opens… this has happen to me many times I believe it now from the core of my heart… I am not saying this because some wise person said this... I am sharing this with you because I have experienced this my self...

Today, I have no anger or hatred for people who didn’t open that door for me – for I truly believe the door that was opened for me was always always better than the one was closed… It has been for me.

Are you trying to open a closed door?

It's Your CHOICE

What ever we do in life we have a choice… with what we do, say, think or behave we always have a choice… we can contribute or contaminate… and that is our own choice..

Regardless of who we are… every single day, with every single action or thought – we have a choice.. Yes, we can contribute or contaminate… with our words, actions, behaviour, gesture or thoughts… we can…

Opportunities are many – yes! Every single day, there are countless opportunities to contaminate or contribute… if we look clearly – we will see them… if we go with the mind to contribute there would be many opportunities within everyday to contribute – contribute to us – our own growth, to others, to the society and to the world…

Same we, if we go with the mind to contaminate there will also be ample opportunities to do so… there are many ways to be self-destructive, to be destructive to others, the society and also the world…

At the beginning each day and at the end of each day and also in between – we are presented with many choices – we can decide to contribute or contaminate… the choice belongs to us… We cant blame our creator for making a wrong choice… we all have been given wisdom – equal wisdom – rich or poor, man or woman, young or old - to make a choice… We can’t say opportunities are not given to us …. may be they are not always offered in a platter. .but they are there – far or near – they are there, which our reach – today, you have a choice to mend someone’s heart or break someone’s heart, you have a choice to bring a smile to someone’s face or bring a tear, you can lift someone’s spirit or you can dampen their spirits, you can have some fun or you can dwell in your sorrows, you can set-up or put-up a fire – it’s your choice! Do you contribute or do you contaminate? Opportunities are many for you to go either way…

Which path would you choose?

Dont tell me You love me

Don’t tell me you love me
Don’t tell me you only live for me
Don’t tell me you are doing everything for me
And turn back on me

And then point fingers at me
And find faults with me
Because you are angry

When things go wrong
And you cannot handle the anger
And the frustration
Don’t tell me “you are just like your Dad!”
Or “you are just like your Mom!”

It does not help me
At all…
It does not take away my pain at all
I may be young but I have feelings
Feelings I just don’t know how to express

I feel scared and lonely

I feel lost and empty

I feel sad....

but I may not tell you

because, I also dont want to make you sad...

I am not too young to know that
I am the creation of you both
I am part of you both
When you insult or ridicule
Dad or Mom
You are also insulting me
A part of me
For I am the creation of
Both of you
Don’t think I am too young to know that
I know ...

I have Mom’s eyes and Dad's pointy nose
I have Mom’s curly hair and Dad’s smile
I have Mom’s kind heart and Dad’s sense-of-humour
for I am the creation of
You both…

I am not a football
Don’t kick me between mom and dad

Dont push to me take sides...

It's not fair you ask me to do it
Don’t make me feel…
Like it’s all my fault
The reason for your split

If you must know...
I already feel bad
For your separation
For I need you both
Mummy and Daddy…
For I love you both
Mummy and Daddy…
I am trying to understand
Why you cant live together anymore
I am trying to understand
Why you cant make things right anymore
Why you cant say sorry
To each other

So..
Don’t tell me you love me
Don’t tell me you only live for me
Don’t tell me you are doing everything for me
And turn back on me

Just dont!

Go ahead... make somebody's day!

The other day, I was feeling miserable.. I was feeling empty, sad and lonely… I just could not pick up my self… I was in real need of some TLC – Tender, Loving, Care… I really struggled at work and I was happy when the day ended…Perhaps it’s the cold weather.. we are under a server cold weather alert here in Toronto for the last couple of days.. and its bitterly cold.. I no longer can go for my stroll at lunch, which I always look forward to… even on a chilly day I still go out with my thick jacket on, but now I cant…since its extremely cold…and I miss that. Maybe, I am been hit by the blues…for I sure felt blue…

As some of you know, I am in the business of counselling…which I love and feel blessed to be in… but that day, I just could not do it… I was just tired of giving, listening and being there for others… I feel guilty when this happens but I also know the truth is I am running empty.. I just don’t have any thing inside of me to give others….my fountain has dried… I have nothing to offer…

Just as I was going to wrap-up my day and call it quits, I opened my e-mail… there it was – a beautiful note from one of my former clients - I consider here a true friend…she is a remarkably positive, uplifting woman… She has always been special to me… she had written a beautiful note… it just gave light to my dark day… I felt good – it was lovely.. it lifted my sprits.. it took my gloom away… I felt appreciated, loved and cared…

Thank you Carmelita… you made my day…in fact, you saved my day… you reminded me why I am doing what I am doing and the importance of continuing to do what I do… you probably never guessed that your note would create such a positive difference but it truly did… it gave me energy… it replenished my empty fountain…
Thank you so much for taking the time to do it….

Lets not hesitate to show people our appreciation… we never know what kind of day they are having.. we all go about doing what we need to do…because we have to… but silently feeling miserable, sad or unappreciated… it only takes a few minutes of our precious time to let someone know they are appreciated or loved or remembered.. It’s just a phone call, an e-mail – that is all you need to do.. these days you don’t even have to spend money to buy a card or flowers or even spend a few cents for postage.. with the click of your mouse you can let people know how much you care for them… So why hesitate.. Today, take initiative to make someone’s day… you never know what a difference you could be making….

The Biggest GIFT you can give a Child

The biggest gift you can give a child
Is your time and love
To be around them, when they need you
To let them know they are precious and valued
And they are good enough
Just the way they are

Don’t try to compensate your time and love
With expensive gifts and gadgets
It may look like its working
But not for ever…
When that child becomes an adult
They will know that they were cheated
For “stuff” does not give them love
For “stuff” does not give them self-confidence
For “stuff” does not helpbuild courage

For "stuff " does not help take away fears

Remember being a child?
Looking back…
Does it really matter whether you had that latest toy or not?
Do you miss those toys and gadgets?

I dont think so...
What matters most
I think is the love and time we get
From our dear Moms and Dads
To feel that we are appreciated
As little people starting out in this world…
That they were there for us
When we need them most
To play, laugh and sing
To read books and paint pictures
To run after butterflies and listen to fairy tales
To make mud pies and climb trees
To hold our hand when are scared
Or lend a hand when needed
To give a hug to make things better
Take away our fears when we are frightened
And to save us from the big bad monster
And to tell us….
That everything will be all right

Because they are there for us
To show us the way…
When we are lost
To teach us A-B-C-D and nursery rhymes
To teach us simple manners and good habits
To teach us to say “I love you” and “thank you very much”
To kiss us good night and tuck us in to bed
And the list may go on and on…
But can “stuff” replace this…
I don’t think so….

So, remember today
The biggest gift you can give a child
Is your time and love

It's old and true

But its still the BEST GIFT!

Are you giving your child your time and love?

In honour of my dear FRIENDS

Thank you LORD, for my friends. I really cant imagine my life without my friends. I am so blessed to have great friends to share my life with. Neither by the thousands nor even the hundreds, but I am happy to have a very few great friends who have always been there for me – the sparkling gems of my life.

I know my life would be colourless, lifeless, and flavourless without my friendships. When I think of my friendships, I have cultivated for years I truly feel blessed and fortunate. I feel rich – like Donald Trump - like a millionaire!These wonderful people have always been there for me – during my good times and especially my bad. They have honestly and faithfully supported me offering their sincere love. Today, I have friends of different nationalities, men and women, faith groups, ages, sizes, skin colours and even shapes. But they are all high in the best human qualities - honest, loving, and compassionate and believe it or not they also love food. They have been there for me and offered their love and support. Be it a walk in the park, sharing a cup of coffee or a slice of cheesecake, shopping for make-up or trying out clothes, having lunch in the mall, talking nonsense, laughing and giggling and just been plain silly, or even having a much needed spiritual discussion, chat-on-the net or a long international call or simply gossiping (Yes, I have to admit. I do! But only with a very few) they have made a huge contribution towards my growth and they still continue to do so. If some one took away my friends I would be lost – and empty. I just want to let you know I cherish you all and love you all– those of you reading this you know I am talking to you. Here’s a prayer to you my Lord, you can take away everything I own – but leave my friends – for there are like air for me.

At times, I think - who am I? What do I do well? Sometimes, nothing comes to my mind but friend. Perhaps, it’s the only great quality I have. A friend. That is my gift to you – I know I can be a Friend to you because I know the value of a friend.

Thank you all my dear friends for your continuous love and support. Thank you for your honesty and genuineness. Thank you for giving energy to my soul. Thank you for being part of my life. Thank you for tolerating me. You all have a place in my heart and you are all are invited to sit in my heart… o.k. Now take it easy… may be one at a time….some of you have gotten quite heavy over the years… ouch… yeah! That hurts ah?

Thank you and Love You.

May the Good Lord Bless You and Keep You Safe.

When I was FIVE

When I was five...
I knew what I wanted to be
When I grew up...
I wanted to be a Piano Music Teacher
I did not know how to speak my mind then
But I knew how to dream…

I dreamt day-in, day-out
24x7 and 365... and more
I pretended I was playing the piano
Even when I was having a bath
In my bath tub with my rubber duckies..
I pretended I was playing the piano..
I hoped one day when I grew up
Some one would ask me
What I wanted to do…

Little by little…
I grew up

I waited and waited...
But nobody asked me…
What I wanted to be

I was polite and gentle…
I thought I should never tell
What I wanted
Or what I needed
Unless someone asked me first…
They all forgot to ask me
What I wanted…
Instead they all told me
What I should to….

I should be this or that…
But it had no interest in my heart…
My eyes did not glee with joy
My heart did not sing with happiness
I did not find the fire within my soul
There was no spark…

Then I did not have the wisdom
To understand…

becasue I was five
That in real life…
No one really asks you "what do you want?"

Eventually, my time flew by…
With my dreams still tucked in my soul…
Untouched – untapped…
It died without creating that light…

But I am telling you this

When I was five…
I knew what I wanted to be
When I grew up…
It's just that
I did not know

how to say it out loud…

Lets pay attention to our kids.. shall we?

I Miss You

Hey, all how are you? Sorry, folks I have not written for some time. Hmmm… may be I am hit by the writer’s block or some other block.

I am missing my source of inspiration these days… Sheri my googie-ga-ga girl… she is my fan and my critique… she is busy – with her new job, new home, 3 kids and 1 big husband – sorry Jae! It’s a handful… yeah, I did not necessarily mean the latter but then come to think about it – it could be. She is busy painting her walls of her new home and arranging furniture… she is also busy getting to know her new co-workers… well but I am very positive she will not get a co-worker like me. Well I am candid and have guts… sorry Sheri if you hate my guts! But it’s the truth.

Its funny when Sheri was around I would blog like crazy – now I don’t know what has happened. Every morning, I wait for the feedback she gives me – its important for me – she’ll tell me if I am going in the right direction or not … she is honest…she is direct… she does not cushion things… She would listen to my silly dreams, my views and insights... she tolerates my silliness... I can ask for for a hug or energy... (well, sometimes, she steals the little energy I am left with) well, that is a another story!

She was also my co-worker… we case conference on a lot of things.. We had discussions about a lot of things…. We talk about FOOD, life, people, world, MEN (you see they are different from people), FOOD, dirt-cheap sales, manner less, ruthless people, home designing, diets (that never work for us) eating healthy (always, struggle here) and FOOD. Notice I said food a couple of times…. What ever we talk about it goes back to one single topic FOOD – we are highly passionate about our food and we take it seriously. We also sometimes have discussions about NOTHING…and they are the best discussions. We crave for cheesecake in the mid morning… food definitely is a major source of inspiration for the both of us…We’d drive to the town centre for more yumma-licious food…rain or shine...we’d sit and enjoy a tub of West Indian ice-cream – it gives us a chill – sometimes the chill is too much it gives us shivers, so we microwave them – yeah – ice-cream - have you ever heard of that? But it happens in our world… Some days we split a portion of garlic potatoes topped with loads of sour cream .. then complain we smell garlicky all afternoon… or go for a beef roll with spicy hot sauce. We would have a craving in the mid afternoon for spicy tamarind balls coated with sugar… it gives us energy to manage our ever stressful work. We recognize each other’s Pain in the eyes… yes! Hunger Pains…. She would surprise me with a slice of oh!-so-yummy Bailey’s cheesecake – my pain diminishes within seconds and I am back to work.

I miss the girl talk we had – criticizing our husbands every single day – it’s a great stress reliever. Each day it’s another interesting topic. She tells me I am like her husband – my brother-from-another-mother… I know its a handful - me and Jae - it too much! she always recognizes my monkey self – - she knows when my monkey is on before even I know…Its easy to talk to her. I don’t have to cushion things and add the rosette, or the frill or the bow – I don’t have to watch my words and re-edit them… I can be my true manner-less, undiplomatic, politically incorrect, absolutely fantastic, gorgeous self!

Well what does this tell you – I miss her – no way! I cant say it – I am GREEN – I am not koochi koo. We move on right! We don’t miss anyone. We cope. Our pride comes in the way.

O.K. I will say it – Sheri… I miss you.

Hmmm….long pause….. Ah! Not so bad!!!… I am still alive… yeah.. I am breathing…I can hear my self typing.. I said it…

I hope you take time today to tell people, who are important in your life that you love their presence and miss them when they are not around… there is no pride in keeping it to yourself… These are exceptional people in your life… they give you that spark to move on in life… And I know sometimes, it’s nice to know we are missed and its good to let them know.

Take a RISK...

Even though things didn’t work out
The way I planned or envisioned…
I still believe….
What I did was right
And with the right intensions….
Some may think I am naïve
Some may think I am stupid
But its still o.k.
Because I believe

What I did was right and for the right reasons

I rather take a risk..
Than be scared…
Or taking a step forward
Because I am scared to make a mistake…
Scared to make a move…
Thinking about this and that
And what others might think
Say or do….
What is safe – what is not?
Who is genuine – who is not
Who is faithful – who is not?
How do I know?
I only know…
What I know
I don’t have the power to live in another’s mind


Even if I make a mistake..
I trust and believe ...
The good Lord will forgive me
For I did it with good intensions
I believe it will protect me and keep me safe…
For I did it with good intensions
I rather take a risk and make a move
Than holding my self back
With fear and anxiety….
Repenting later for not trying

Feeling sorry for myself...
Life is too short
To limit my self to the shell
I guess, finally at the end
Our worth is determined by
Our successes and not our failures
And how would I know
If I'll be successful
If I did not try…….

Are you holding back something? Take a risk… Try – how would you know if you don’t try?

Decease to Please

For years and years I use to suffer from the decease to please others. I wanted to do everything possible to make others around me happy. I thought by doing this I would be loved by all. By doing this I neglected my own self – my own dreams and desires. I didn’t realize by doing this I was betraying my own self. I don’t think I am ever guilty of treating others bad… but I must admit I have not treated my self that good in the past. Unconsciously though, in the name of pleasing others I have displeased my self. The saddest part was, even by giving all what I had I just could not make everyone happy. This made me think otherwise.

I used to constantly do and say things to please others. Others – sometimes who had no value to me – I would attend parties and events just to please others… engage in activities that had absolutely no interest to me – be part of conversations had no meaning or interest to me – As I thought I was pleasing others I was thoroughly neglecting my self. I was suffocating my self through my own acts and behaviour. Obviously, I was not listening to my inner-self. I did not pay attention to what it was saying. I was constantly trying to “hush” my true self.

I would constantly put other’s interests and needs on top of mine. I was on the very bottom of my list… By the time, I reached my self I was always tired of doing and being there for others. I never got the best of me. This happened all the time. It was the norm.

After years of suffering from the decease I am now recovering. I must admit it feels good. It feels good to take care of my self and pay attention to my needs. I use to think it was selfish to do that - but I was wrong. Its good to live with self-love. I feel ,I am a much better person. Now I can give fully, participate fully. I don’t say “yes” to everything anymore. I think now I am more honest to my self. I have moved my self to the top of my list. So I too get the best of me. I still give my time and attention to others around me. But I don’t try just to please others. I am more conscious of my actions… about what I choose to do. I have learnt to say “NO” and work within my abilities and limits. I am more genuine and honest with my relationships. When I am there with them I am there fully. I have also learnt to appreciate the honesty in relationships. If people could not do things for me or always be there for me – I do not feel hurt anymore. I do understand they too have other important things to attend in life just like I do.

I realized people who like me have always liked me for who I am - for I too like them for who they are….and to tell you the truth people who does not like me – I too are not too crazy about them. So the feeling is mutual. Its funny though, when I look back – it’s the people I thought who didn’t like me – that I tried so hard to please. It never worked! The people who liked me liked me regardless. I have wasted my energy for so long. Now I feel comfortable with not everybody liking me. Because I too don’t like everybody. I am at peace knowing this. I don’t expect the whole world to like me. It’s impossible. Do I like the whole world? No! So who am I to demand that sort of unrealistic expectations? As a recovering addict I can tell you this - I now have more energy and true enthusiasm to work with people I truly like.

Are you suffering from the Decease to Please?

Are you there for YOU?

Hope you all are excited about this NEW year…. I am!

I hope this New Year you will choose to be there for yourself… that is if you haven’t been. To take care of your own needs… to put your self on the pedestal and to move you to the top of your list…if you don’t consider yourself as important who else will?

There comes a stage in life we need to take care of our own needs… I have certainly reached that stage… I am tired of not been there for myself…for me - my own self care is very important… I cannot depend on others to take care of my dreams… I just have to do it myself…

Recently, I was talking to an older friend of mine… she is now over 60 and she is a mother of 3 grown children. We were having a heart –to- heart talk and she sounded so unhappy with her self. She said that she never had any time to take care of her dreams and goals… although she was happy to be there for her children she missed not being there for her…She had also been there for her husband... supporting them with all their dreams and goals...There were tears in her eyes… I could feel her sadness...she talked about the dreams she had… the talents she had when she was young… her hopes…She had expected her parents and later her husband to encourage her to achieve her goals… I re-assured her that she can still do those things… but she said it’s too late… because she no longer had the physical energy to do certain things…. Perhaps, she is right… although we say its never too late… there comes a time in life it could be..

I am sharing this experience with you because you also may be thinking of doing something… but not really taking any action… we tend to procrastinate things for a lot of reasons…. Especially, when it comes achieving a personal goal.. We also depend on others to give us encouragement… we expect this…. We think it’s their duty…. Even if we have the talent and know we need to go ahead and do something we just wait for someone else to push us… sometimes, unfortunately, it will never happen…the approval or the encouragement will never happen… then what happens?

We are used to thinking ourselves in some role - mother, father, brother, sister, daughter, son, etc… etc… We are more moldered to taking care of responsibilities and obligations… We take them more seriously… and often neglect our own personal desires…

So, today take the first step.. do something for you… yes, YOU… just you… whatever it is… be it singing, belly dancing, writing, painting, gardening, travelling… take a step… it needn't be a big one… one little baby step…just try… what do you have to lose? If you fail so what? Who is giving you points?

Let me share… I am glad I started to write this blog… I had thought about it for a long time but procrastinated… fear was a big barrier… fear of failure was huge… fear of making mistakes in my writing may be… but now I don’t… I don’t think I write perfect… it’s not even important to me any more… but when I write I know I am honouring my true self… I feel connected to my self… Its not an obligation, its not a responsibility, I am not fulfilling anybody’s expectations – I feel this is where I get to be ME… its freeing and its such beautiful feeling… if I ever live up to 60 I don’t want to feel like I didn’t take care of my needs and goals and aspirations… I want to feel like I honoured my self in the best possible way I can…

I know I am a responsible individual… I never shy away from responsiblity… I fulfill my roles as wife, sister, employee, friend, etc, etc, in the best of my ability…but I realize I also have a responsibility to take care of my own needs just the way I do for others… I choose to be there for ME!

Are you there for YOU?

Happy New Year!

Wish you all a very happy New Year
May your life be filled with….
Peace, happiness and joy
May all your dreams come true
And this year…
May you find your True Self…
May you find the True Purpose of your beautiful life…
So that you will be able to live your life
Up to your truest potential….

May you be able to
Live your best life every single Day...

Thank you all…
To my dear readers…
Thank you for your lovely comments…
And encouraging e-mails
Thank you for motivating me...
To continue writing this blog
It means a lot to me....
To know that you all care
and appreciate my work…
And to know that
I am able to reach you all
And touch your soul in some way…

Just like you have motivated me..
I hope I am able to motivate you
At least in some simple way…
To live your best life
Every single day…
To live up to your truest potential
And become the BEST you…

May you have a great year ahead
Filled with beautiful moments...
May you have the courage and wisdom
To face the unavoidable....
May you come closer and closer

Every single day of this new year...
To become the BEST you…

Love you All…….